Category Archives for Chronic Pain

Pain and Intimacy Don’t Mix

When I became ill I was not in a relationship. Now I can’t see how it will ever be possible to start a relationship.

I’m in pain every minute of every day. That’s not exactly conducive to fulfilling my carnal or emotional needs or responding to those of another person. But to get those needs fulfilled I’d first have to have desires. I have none. I don’t think about being with anyone. Not kissing. Not touching. Not having sex.

I spend my days trying to focus on doing the most basic activities – showering, dressing, taking medication, eating, sleeping – so thoughts of intimacy rarely make it to the front of my mind. If they do, they are in the form of longings about what used to be; with a resigned acceptance that I may never experience the comforts and pleasures of a relationship again.

My friends try to reassure me that my illness doesn’t have to rob me of a full life that includes being close to and sharing my life with someone else. I’ve also been told that I need to expand my definition of what sex is to include more than intercourse. But the issue isn’t just the act of sex. I’m in so much pain all the time I can’t imagine someone touching me or getting close to me with physical intimacy being the goal. Besides, I’m taking so much pain medication I don’t know if I could think clearly long enough to get to know someone sufficiently to decide if I would want to be in a relationship with them.

So what do I do? How do I pursue intimacy knowing that I might not be able to make my body follow the will of my mind? And worse still, what happens if the pain never gives me a break so I can think, talk, and act on behalf of my desires when they show up?

U2 – Desire

Recall of Toradol Pain Medication

There is currently a voluntary recall of the pain medication I have grown to rely on – Toradol (ketorolac tromethamine) – when I go to the emergency room to get a bit of relief when I can no longer bear a pain flare up. Toradol only helps me when I get it by IV or direct injection combined with an opiate pain medication. And for me ‘help’ means it gets my pain back to what I now characterize as ‘normal’ levels, or on a general pain measurement scale down to about a four.

If you have never heard of it before, Toradol is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID). It is used for the short-term treatment of moderate to severe pain. It works by reducing the production of hormones that cause inflammation. This helps to decrease swelling, pain, or fever. Unfortunately for me, the pill form does very little to reduce my pain but causes me significant stomach irritation so a trip to the emergency room to get an IV drip of Toradol has become my proxy happy place.

If you rely on Toradol injection for pain relief I hope this recall does not affect you. That being said, here’s the press release that was posted by the FDA

Hospira, Inc., (NYSE: HSP) has announced a voluntary recall of ketorolac tromethamine injection, USP in the United States and Singapore due to potential particulate. The presence of particulate has been confirmed through a customer report of visible, floating particulate identified in glass fliptop vials. The particulate was identified as calcium-ketorolac crystals. Multiple lots are impacted by this recall; refer to the addendum for product list and lot information.

…lots were distributed from February 2013 to December 2014 in the United States and from January 2014 to July 2014 in Singapore. Hospira has not received reports of any adverse events associated with this issue for these lots to date. Hospira has initiated an investigation to determine the root cause and corrective and preventive actions.

Anyone with an existing inventory of the recalled lots should stop use and distribution, and quarantine the product immediately. This recall is being carried out to the medical facility/retail level. Customers who have further distributed the recalled product should notify any accounts or additional locations which may have received the recalled product and instruct them if they have redistributed the product to notify their accounts, locations or facilities to the medical facility/retail level. Hospira has notified its direct customers via a recall letter and is arranging for impacted product to be returned to Stericycle in the United States. For additional assistance, call Stericycle at 1-888-345-4680 between the hours of 8am to 5pm ET, Monday through Friday. Customers outside the United States should work with their local Hospira offices to return the product per the local recall notification

Read the complete release: http://www.fda.gov/Safety/Recalls/ucm433857.htm

 

Lisa Fischer – How Can I Ease The Pain – Music Video (1991)

My Illness Is Killing My Friendships

The longer I’m sick the more friendships I lose.

I wasn’t a social butterfly before becoming ill. Although, I did have many friendships and acquaintances that crossed social and generational lines. However, a lot of those lines are fading or they’ve been cut by the people who once held the other end.

The friendships that have disappeared the fastest are work related. Networking is something I always considered important for career longevity. Knowing someone who knows someone has proved advantageous in many work and personal situations. Being able to trade favours or get support from a colleague can sometimes mean the difference between success and failure. There were many times over my career when I was able to reach out to connections I made years before to get much-needed help to complete a task or project, get invaluable feedback, or secure a new role.

Sadly, the longer I’m away from work those connections are fading or have already disappeared. When I first became ill I reached out to some of the colleagues that I considered more friends than acquaintances to let them know what was happening. With some of them there were lunches and coffee dates – time used for venting and brainstorming our way out of difficult situations – we would have to rebook. The news was met with concern and promises of visits or calls to check in on my progress. Those visits never arrived and I’m still waiting for the calls.

Relationships closer to home have suffered too. Friends I used to have lengthy phone conversations with, now text sporadically to see how I’m doing or if I have any updates about my treatment and recovery. The spontaneous meet ups for a good meal and lots of laughs squeezed in on a day when schedules magically align have evaporated into the ether; there are no invitations to girls’ nights out for dinner, drinks and dancing; and definitely no loud weekend hangouts.

At first I put the lapses in contact down to people being busy. Then I excused it by telling myself that some people aren’t comfortable or able to cope with serious illness. But I stopped coming up with excuses for people when someone I believed to be one of my closest friends suggested that we should take a break and pick up our friendship again when I get better.

That suggestion to push pause on a friendship knocked the wind out of my sails for a while, but it forced me to look at who has stood with me since the start of my illness. Which friends and family members answer when I call? Who gets up in the middle of the night to sit with me in the emergency room? Who rearranges their schedule to go with me to doctors’ appointments? Who checks to see if I need errands run or if I have enough groceries in the fridge? Who makes time to come over to hang out with me on my couch because that’s all I can do?

So, I recognize that friendships are dying. But the relationships I need are growing. I have friends and family supporting me in ways I never imagined I would need at this stage of my life. They remind me that my illness is not the thing that defines me and that if someone chooses to walk away from me now – when I’m most vulnerable – they probably had no right to be in my life in the first place.

 

Queen – You’re My Best Friend