I’ve had a tough week with an unending pain flare up that my pain medications are barely touching.
I’m not fully recovered from a procedure I had last week intended to relieve suspected nerve pain. It failed, but the aggravation it caused to my condition is still with me.
I’m under attack from my thoughts as I wait for an appointment to get a second opinion about the surgery needed to repair the congenital condition that decided to create painful unrest in my body. Current opinions point to the surgery causing significant complications and I can’t stop my mind from imagining the worst. My overactive mind is causing me stress that in turn is causing me to experience greater pain.
I’m not sleeping well. See above.
I’m fighting the fiction my horrible boss created to terminate my employment and deny me extended health benefits. This fight involves digging up historical information to counter everything being used to justify taking away a significant support from me during my illness. This fight is taxing my mind and body.
If I can’t disconnect and relax I’m going to end up in the emergency room again.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Relax (original version)
Since the day I called in sick to work 18 months ago my boss has been a nightmare.
I have not been left alone long enough to fully process that I’m so sick I’m unable to carry out most basic daily tasks; or that I may never be pain-free again; or that my body may never be healthy again; and that the one thing that should fix me could further diminish my health.
With this as my reality, my boss has made it her mission to add another layer of hell to my life.
Her attitude was cemented when I refused to share my diagnosis with her. Even though labour laws clearly state that an employer can not – under any circumstances – ask an employee any questions related to an illness. When I filed a complaint about her behaviour the blow-back was and continues to be unbelievable. I’ve actually ended up in the emergency room because I’ve become so stressed – which then caused my pain to flare up – about interactions I’ve had to have with my company.
A few months ago, my company terminated my extended health benefits for things like: prescriptions, dental, visioncare, nursing care, and other health-care services. The prescription benefits covered the cost of my pain medications. My pain medications alone cost hundreds of dollars each month, which I now have to pay for out of my pocket.
Shockingly, I learned about my termination when I contacted my pharmacy to refill my pain medications. My pharmacist tried to process the automated payments. He immediately received an electronic error message from my insurance company saying my benefits plan was terminated.
My boss carried out the termination of my benefits by terminating my employment without notifying me. To accomplish this, she first modified my employment status from ‘permanent employee’ to ‘contract employee’ and then pulled a date out of the air for the end of my supposed contract. She then claimed she had no way of contacting me, which is laughable because I have a collection of emails with retaliatory content spanning the course of my illness.
Not one person I’ve told about this situation can understand the motivation or the logic behind this behaviour. One question keeps floating to the surface: Would my boss’ behaviour be better if I had told her my diagnosis or is she just a horrible person to her core?
Depeche Mode probably wouldn’t understand this situation either…
In her words I am “a complicated case” and she “wants the best” for me.
Her best is not to rush into surgery. She does not believe the invasive surgery typically prescribed to restore the health of someone with the congenital condition my symptoms point to – at least the non-complicated version of the condition – will eliminate my chronic pelvic pain and the referred pain (i.e. pain felt in an area remote from the site of origin) I now have in my back and legs. Additionally, she foresees a multitude of post-operative complications and she believes there will likely be others she can’t predict because of how unpredictably my body has been behaving.
What she decided to do, to make sure I get the best care, is refer me to her more senior colleague for a second opinion. She has been consulting with him about my case and thinks it’s time he met me to make direct observations. If after reviewing my chart and examining me the senior surgeon decides surgery is the only way forward, my surgeon wants to be a part of the surgical team.
I want her to be part of the team too. I trust her because of her thoughtful reluctance to pick up a scalpel and her attempts to find alternate, less invasive treatments to treat my complicated case. And I trust that if she is a part of the team I will receive the best that she desires for me.
If you’re a child of the 80s you will remember this song appealing to a doctor for help
My Small Surrenders 