Category Archives for Relationships

A Welcome Jolt of Energy

I had the best day today. My cousin brought her two young children to visit me. Her daughter is five and her son is two. They were such a delight to be with. They climbed all over me, gave me hugs, and made me laugh and smile uncontrollably. When they sat still long enough, they drew pictures using every colour from the boxes of crayons I put out. Otherwise, they were running around my place and climbing on every piece of furniture I own. At one point – I’m not sure how he came up with it – my cousin’s young son decided that the straps on one of my purses should be used as the reigns for his imaginary horse, which he rode while lying on his back on one of my couches. His sister, unknowingly, might have inducted me into a Māori tribe because all afternoon she kept coming close to me and either touching noses with me or doing what I think might have been the facial gestures and sounds of the Haka Challenge Dance.

Hongi - Māori Greeting
Hongi – Māori Greeting
Māori - Haka Challenge Dance
Māori – Haka Challenge Dance

I’m exhausted now, but I think it was worth it. I catered to their every whim. I was amazed at how much they ate because their bodies are so small, but no matter what snack I produced they wanted more. They talked and moved so quickly it was hard to keep track of where they were or what conversation had started or ended. When the time came for them to go home the little one, my cousin’s son, didn’t want to leave. She said that it was very unusual behaviour for him to want to stay with someone other than her. I felt honoured. I held him in my lap and cuddled with him until his sister was able to convince him they had to leave.

I had such a wonderful time with them today; I know I’ll be smiling every time I think of them for the next little or long while. Because I don’t have children of my own, I forget sometimes how spending time with children can lift your spirits and make you feel energized. I have to make the effort to see them more often.

 

Marcia Griffiths – Electric Boogie

Gratitude and Creativity: Light Up With Happiness

This past week was a good one – all things considered – with the news of a surgery date making it even better. What made it good to start? Last Tuesday, I went to stay at the home of my adoptive Aunt C. It’s the first time since I was about twelve that I’ve spent any extended time with her, but it felt like no time had elapsed. It’s not that I haven’t seen her at the odd holiday dinner or picnic over the years where I’ve received tight, warm hugs overflowing with affection that showed how genuinely she cares for me, but being in her house and having her spoil me for a few days was nice.

When I was a little girl, I used to spend weekends at Aunt C’s house. Sometimes the excitement of the weekend started early. I would get to take the subway by myself to meet her when she finished work, at a designated place, in the central train station downtown. Then we would take the train out to her house in a suburb outside the city. At her house, it would just be the two of us. She would make me my favourite meals and desserts I loved. Aunt C would take me to movies; we would go shopping; or we would just hang out around the house. On top of that, she would treat me to little presents that would light me up with happiness. My time with her was always so happy – and because I believed she was perfect – I once asked her to adopt me.

Light Up With Happiness - Shadow

Light Up With Happiness

I felt some of that happiness this past week, as she showered me with attention, care, and concern for my poor health. There was also a lot of laughter. So much laughter, that at times my pain increased, but I didn’t mind because it was good to laugh with her. We spent some time talking in detail about things that have happened in both our lives that it wasn’t always possible to talk about with crowds of people around at family events. At one point, I questioned myself about why I never made more of an effort to keep Aunt C close in my life, but I know the answer is my mother and the ever-present fear I had about betraying or hurting her. In some ways, it was a get to know you again week, and in others, we just picked up from where we left off years ago.

It won’t be too long until my next visit with Aunt C. Apart from wanting to keep our renewed connection strong; she offered to take care of me after my surgery. I already have plans in place for my immediate aftercare, but I’m grateful for her offer and I will go to stay with her at some point during my recovery. I’m also grateful for the chance to reclaim and rebuild a relationship that was important in shaping my understanding of motherly love. Although, most of all, I’m grateful I’m in a place, emotionally, where I can accept the love she offers to me.

 

Lee Ann Womack – I Hope You Dance

I’m Not Lucky… I Am Blessed

I spoke to two important men in my life yesterday. Each of them is important for a different reason, but I love them both dearly.

The first is an old teacher of mine from junior high school. I know that seems strange. Why am I still in contact with someone who taught me geography when I was thirteen years old? I’m still in touch with him because he is a genuinely good person. When I was thirteen, he treated me, and a group of my friends, with respect. He always spoke to us as if we were human beings with brains in our heads. He listened to us. He challenged us. Most importantly, he taught us the value of working hard and he made us each feel special.

He called me yesterday because he needed his spirits lifted. He is in his early seventies and he has multiple health issues. Recently, his wife had a bad fall and was hospitalized. Her injury means that she won’t be able to move back into their home. That’s not good news for either of them. He’s not well enough to live alone and he doesn’t know if it’s possible for both of them to get placement in the same nursing or retirement home. He’s very sad and worried about that. I’m very sad and worried for him.

To take his mind off his troubles he called to see how I’m doing. He had it in mind that I already had my big surgery. When I explained the complicated path I’ve been on, he responded with something I didn’t expect. He wanted to know how I was managing to stay so positive with everything that’s been going on over the past few years. I answered without hesitation, “I have no choice”. If I weren’t positive, I would fall apart. If I weren’t positive, who would he be able to call to have a good laugh with? We did laugh. By the time we hung up I got him to promise to call me more often to let me know how he’s doing and to try to eat more than he is so he can keep his strength up to go for the daily walks he loves. He made me promise to call him more often so he knows that I’m thinking about him. That was an easy promise to make. I called him this afternoon to make sure he ate something today and went for his walk. Then we found a few sad things in both our lives to mock and laugh about. We ended our conversation as we usually do with ‘I love yous’.

The second of the important men who called me is an adoptive uncle. He’s been part of my life on and off since I was about 10. He’s one of the people I’ve felt guilty about having in my life because of how my mother’s relationship with his brother ended – whom, by the way, I still consider my stepfather. My uncle called to see how I am. He was very apologetic because it’s been about a week since we last spoke, and he felt the conversation had been too short. He also feels that he hasn’t been supporting me enough. I had to stop him from believing that. I told him how lucky I feel for him and all the other people I have – including my growing online community – in my life who show me love. He told me that I’m wrong. He said that luck has nothing to do with the love I have in my life. He said that the love I have in my life is a blessing.

I had to agree with him. I do feel blessed. I am blessed because he never gave up on having me in his life even though I am not his brother’s biological child. He was one of the first in his family to come to my aid when he learned about my illness. He has demonstrated that he is willing to drop whatever he’s doing at any time to help me. He is my family more strongly than many of whom I’m related to by blood.

These two important men in my life are blessings. Just receiving phone calls from them makes me feel loved. Those phone calls have been added to the huge pile of blessings I feel building in and around me.

 

Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On