Category Archives for Relationships

I Won’t Let Pain Stop Me From Comforting A Child

I love my cousin’s children. It was incredible witnessing the birth of her third child a few months ago and having been there makes me feel a strong connection to him. However, her older son – he turned three recently – is working on staking a permanent claim on a corner of my heart. He is one of the sweetest, good-natured children I’ve ever known. He’s affectionate, empathetic, already fiercely protective of those he loves, and hopelessly irresistible. So irresistible, it’s impossible for me to say no to him.

When I spend time with him, my lap becomes his favourite place to sit. He plants himself on my lap for comfort, play, and conversations I sometimes have to pretend to understand – after all, not all three-year-olds have perfect pronunciation. I also become his go-to person when he needs to use the potty. He comes to me, no one else, tells me he has to go, then takes my hand, and leads me to the bathroom. I have to hold him in place so he doesn’t fall into the toilet bowl while he does his business then clean him up, and help him get re-dressed. This may not be my favourite part of spending time with him, but the trust he places in me feels like an enormous privilege.

The only problem with not saying no to him is that it adds to my pain levels. Unfortunately, he weighs more than his newborn brother so having him sit on my lap is one of the best and least enjoyable parts of spending time with him – if that makes any sense. There’s also the issue of how often he needs to use the potty because it means standing and sitting back down for the countless trips with him to the bathroom; or wherever else he feels like leading me: getting snacks from the kitchen or finding his toys. All of this added activity puts a strain on my legs and pelvis; and is most likely the reason I had the intense pain flare I wrote about in my last post after an overnight visit to celebrate his birthday two weeks ago.

Still, no matter how I try to justify it, none of this feels like a good enough reason to deny this little boy the physical closeness that gives him comfort, makes him feel secure, and happy. I also have to admit that even with the added pain; I don’t want to change how I interact with him because I want him to feel loved by me always.

 

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Teach Your Children

Outshining A Mockingjay

I slept through my mid-morning medication alarm yesterday morning, which set my day back by a few hours. When I woke up and took my pain medication, it was about 11:45 AM. I took my medication but couldn’t manage to stay awake. Lucky for me, my friend J isn’t a stranger to the risks associated with making plans with me. I finally called her around 1:00 in the afternoon – I was supposed to have called her at 11:00 AM. After we talked and finalized our plans it still took a while for me to get my bearings so I could get moving into the shower and ultimately out the door.

The plan of the day was for us to see the last chapter of The Hunger Games movies: Mockingjay Part 2. We saw the first part together last year and vowed that we would see this one together. My friend J is a huge movie buff; and although she likes to see movies as soon as they are released in theatres, she waited for three weeks to see this with me because my pain made it impossible for me to go any sooner. Seeing movies with J is one of the things I look forward to doing now, not simply because it gets me out of the house, but because we always have a great time and getting lost in a movie takes my mind off how I’m feeling for a few hours.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2

Mockingjay Part 2 didn’t disappoint. The opening scene picked up where the last movie left of perfectly. It was a little strange to see Philip Seymour Hoffman in a newly released movie, but I think the character he plays would have been missed. Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen dominated the story and the screen and there were some unexpected twists. Overall, I thought it was a good 2 1/2 hours with the right balance between drama, action, and my pain.

After the movie, J and I followed through with the usual ending to our movie outing routine and grabbed some food to take back to my place for dinner. We hung out for a few hours more. While eating we caught up on what’s been going in our lives in the past few weeks that we hadn’t covered in any of our check-in calls. I also finally gave her the presents I got her for her birthday, which passed a few months ago – I had a bit of trouble remembering to order them in time for the actual day. As I hoped, J loved the presents, and I must admit putting a smile on her face beat out a day at the movies with the Mockingjay.

 

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 Official Trailer

 

My Bathroom Is A Safe Place

A few days ago, my friend R came over and did some work for me in my bathroom. I’ve been in need of a handheld showerhead for a while, so he picked one up for me, along with a few other items to make my bathroom a safer place. In days past, I would have been able to make these changes to my home without anyone’s help. I enjoyed going to the hardware store and searching the isles for the items I needed to do different jobs around my home: paint, brushes, tools, fixtures. Then I would come home and get started on my project, and over the course of a weekend or a few weeks, I would work for every hour I could until I finished. When I did finish – regardless of how good or bad the outcome – it would fill me with pride to know I used my hands to get the job done.

The showerhead R got me is quite nice. Before buying it, he did a bit of research and sent product descriptions for me to review and choose the model I liked best. The one I chose is lightweight and has a six-foot hose, so it’s easy to manage in the shower. The main selling feature was the variety of spray settings. It has eight different spray settings including two different massages and one just for shampoo rinsing. I think I’m most excited about the shampoo rinsing setting than all the others, because I’ve let my hair grow a lot since my illness started so washing my hair is a pain – this showerhead might save me from chopping it off.

The Power Of A Shower
The Power Of A Shower
The Power Of A Shower
The Power Of A Shower
The Power Of A Shower

The other things R got for me are some grab bars. Last winter I fell in the bathtub, and since then I’ve been using a shower chair when I take a shower. Unfortunately, I’m still not one hundred percent steady on my feet. The occupational therapist I saw in the spring had written a recommendation for me to have grab bars installed in my shower to help with my balance and keep me safe while standing on the wet surface of my bathtub. I had hoped that after surgery, I would be strong enough not to need them, but that’s not the case. The grab bars R bought me are amazing. They don’t require any drilling into the bathroom tiles for installation. They have super suction pads that lock on to the surface of the bathroom tiles. The sealed grip is so strong R couldn’t make them budge.

My bathroom is a safe place now. I have a shower chair, an anti-slip mat on the bathtub floor, a handheld showerhead, and, thanks to R, grab bars on the walls to prevent me from taking a fall like the one I did last winter. In a strange way, I feel motivated to get better and stronger so I don’t have to depend on these tools to do something as simple as taking a shower. However, having them does give me a chance to be gentle with myself because I remember blaming myself for falling. I harshly chastised myself repeatedly for not paying attention to what I was doing before I fell – completely discounting the possibility that I might have fallen because I was lightheaded from my pain medications. I blamed myself, even though it all happened so quickly, it would have been impossible for anyone to stop the fall. As much as I wish I didn’t have to use these new tools, I’m glad I have them. Because I remember the force with which I landed on the bathtub floor; how sore my hip and shoulder were for weeks after; and my immense gratitude that I hadn’t hit my head as I fell, and I don’t want to have that experience or those feelings again – ever.

 

OutKast – So Fresh, So Clean