InkTober 2017: Day 7 – Shy

I learned a lot while using InkTober as a mindful writing exercise last year. The most important thing is that even though it is a challenge that asks participants to draw something each day, one might not always be able to adhere to that schedule. Especially, if you’re someone who has health challenges as I do. I didn’t post yesterday for two reasons. The first is that I woke up in the early twilight hours of the morning because of a high level of leg pain, which was a sign that I wouldn’t be able to push myself. I’m sure someone reading this will wonder how drawing something and writing a few paragraphs is pushing one’s self, but doing those things while feeling a high level of pain requires exerting a lot of energy that’s better spent focussed on self-care.

The other reason I didn’t complete the entry and post it is that it’s a holiday weekend here: Thanksgiving. That means I get to spend time with people who might usually have hectic schedules. Yesterday, I spent some great quality time with my brother. He came to my home early in the afternoon and we spent hours talking and laughing, we barbequed burgers for dinner, and I beat him in two consecutive games of Scrabble. We were enjoying ourselves so much we didn’t realize how late it was until our second game finished just after midnight. Those are the kinds of days we’ve always enjoyed spending together so doing it yesterday even though I wasn’t at my best was great.

However, even with all that going on yesterday I had completed the mindful writing part of my daily challenge, which I edited today to explain not posting it. I was just short on time, and unwilling to rush, to complete the sketch. Therefore, today I’m posting my pieces for the InkTober Day 7 prompt which was the word ‘shy’. I’m still not great at drawing faces, but I think this is a significant improvement.

Here goes:

I was an extremely shy kid. It was hard for me to interact with anyone I didn’t know well. I would look at the ground instead of making eye contact when someone spoke to me. When answering a question, my voice would come out in a soft almost inaudible whisper. I would fidget. My leg(s) especially, would start to involuntarily bounce-shake (I know there’s a technical name for this action but I prefer using this term) at a rapid rate; and my bottom lip would almost get chewed through when I felt uncomfortable in a social situation, which usually meant wearing lipstick was pointless. I still have some of these tells today, but I’ve overcome a lot of my shyness.

Many people I know don’t believe I am or ever was shy. I understand why they might think that and I also now know that some of the things I felt frustrated about and used to believe were insurmountable aspects of my shyness, are not. It’s easier for me to do things I couldn’t when I was growing up after years of practice and, I have to admit, career training and experience. Even though I despise small talk, I can start conversations with strangers if the situation calls for it. I can also deliver a presentation/speech in front of large groups because I learned to put a lot of time into preparation, which may be the best way to ensure you won’t be overcome by nervousness.

Moreover, I’ve learned that I’m not just shy. I’m an introvert. So at times when I don’t feel like being part of a large social group – or any group – it’s not because of my shyness or me being antisocial; it’s because I need the alone time to recharge or think without noise. I also understand that my ability to be the life of the party – when I’m with close friends and family – is not contrary to the definition of introversion; it just means that I feel comfortable and secure with who I’m with and in my surroundings.

Most importantly, I know that there’s nothing wrong with being shy. It’s not a disorder that needs curing. It’s a single aspect of who I am. Besides, not always being in the mix of things gives me the chance to take a step back to assess people and situations – and my needs – to discern what is best for me.

 

InkTober 2017: Day 6 – Sword

Maybe it’s because of the lack of sunshine and extensive grey cloud coverage in the sky, but I couldn’t think of anything interesting to write about today. In also treating this month of InkTober prompts as an exercise in mindful writing, the goal isn’t to force myself to write something every day, but to see what each word inspires me to write. Today’s word, sword, didn’t ignite a flow of memories or creative thought, therefore, my focus is on the sketch.

What I will say, being the geek that I am is: I hope Jon Snow’s Valyrian steel sword, Longclaw, kills the Night King and ends the war with the dead.

 

InkTober 2017: Day 5 – Long

Snakes scare the crap out of me. Even looking at photos of them makes the hairs on my skin stand on end. So I question why my mind conjured up an image of a snake to illustrate the word ‘long’, which is today’s InkTober prompt. I’m not sure why they scare me so much, considering most snakes are harmless. Maybe it’s because as far back as I can remember, in movies, even in documentaries and television series, it’s usually the most deadly snakes shown. Typically, there are scenes wherein after being bitten by a snake (rattlesnake, cobra, black mamba, copperhead, or water moccasin) there’s always alarm and frenzied activity to search for an anti-venom to save a person’s life. So why wouldn’t I have this irrational fear?

In my lifetime, I’ve only seen snakes up close a few times – not counting those in zoo enclosures. The two incidents that stand out most in my mind were thankfully uneventful, but I still remember my over the top reactions. The first time was years ago, while vacationing in Miami and spending time in South Beach, which was not someplace I would have expected to run into a snake. We were walking along the main street and came upon a street performer whose entire act was having an albino python wrap itself around his neck, shoulders and upper body. When I first saw it I didn’t think it was real because the colour looked unnatural as it was almost a pale neon green-yellow.

The snake’s handler and I assume owner, talked to people as they walked along the sidewalk trying to convince them to take the snake from him and allow it to slither across their shoulders. There was a fee for that, which to me seemed insane to pay to have something cold and scaly move across one’s skin. He also charged a fee if passersby wanted to take a picture with him and that huge neon snake. When I finally realized it was real, I wanted to run to the other side of the street to get as far away from it as possible. I don’t remember anyone I was with taking a photo with or touching the snake but the image of its long scaly body hanging from its owner’s shoulders is burned vividly on my brain.

My next encounter with a snake was in a parking lot. I was out running errands one day and when I got out of my car and walked toward the building where I’d gone to pick up something, I saw a small group of people transfixed by an object on the paved ground. As I got closer, the long thin object moved and a few of the people became hysterical. When I saw it was a snake I stopped walking and froze on the spot where I stood. I could not move as I watched it slither around. I’m not sure how long I stood there contemplating what to do: should I get back in my car and drive away or should I wait for the snake to slither away so I could finish what I had come to do?

It turned out that I didn’t have to decide. A security guard had called animal control or some other organization – apparently the snake had been there for quite some time before I arrived –, and they showed up not long after my body and brain failed me. The animal control person pulled out a hooked pole and guided the snake into some sort of bag or net. He claimed whatever breed of snake it was it was harmless and based on its size was a baby, and not an abnormally long grass snake as someone in the crowd had speculated. Whichever it was, I was happy to see it scooped up and taken away so I could get on with my day.

So poisonous or not, long or short snakes scare me to the point of making me want to run away or become instantly paralyzed by fear. But it seems that drawing them doesn’t have much of an effect on me.