Tag Archives for art journal

Gratitude and Creativity: No Room for Perfection

I was struck last night by the realization that I am still bringing my need for perfection to my art/gratitude journal. How ridiculous is that? I’m making space for my creativity, yet I’m trying to control what I produce. I’m leaving pages blank because I don’t have a perfect idea for what to doodle, draw or paint. In trying to open up my life I’m contributing to making it smaller with my deep-seated need to control. How crazy is that?

I understand why therapy – and in some cases antidepressants – is necessary for people suffering from chronic pain or a chronic illness. It is so easy to get lost inside yourself while you try to control the smallest things because your life, your body, is not in your control. It is so easy to lose your awareness because you spend every minute fighting to hold on to your old self instead of creating a new one that isn’t stifled by your new circumstances. It is so easy to try to impose perfection onto an imperfect situation.

I have so many blank pages in my art/gratitude journal because I’ve been combing the internet trying to find the perfect creative ideas to fill its pages. I’ve been searching to see what other people – perfect artistic people – do to fill the pages of their art journals and sketch books instead of listening to and expressing more of my voice. Last night it hit me that I’m wasting my time and making myself feel worse instead of better. In my search for the perfect things I’m comparing myself to others and the person I used to be. And this journal isn’t about perfection.

This journal is about giving myself space for a few minutes – or hours if necessary – each day to express myself. To put on the pages whatever spills out of my mind, even on the days when what shows up doesn’t feel or look like it came from my mind. It’s my space to draw imperfect shapes, doodle imperfect lines, and paint imperfectly matched colours. This space is mine to be free of judgement about whatever it is I might write or create.

Colour Doodled Hexagons

Colour Doodled Hexagons

There is no room for perfection in this space. And I know that each of us inflicted with chronic pain or a chronic illness need to have some space where we can feel free being ourselves whatever that might look like.

 

Imagine Dragons – Radioactive

Gratitude and Creativity: My Heart

I haven’t had an easy life and my illness isn’t making things any easier.

But regardless of the terrible things that have visited my life – even now when I am in pain – my heart always rises above and holds on to goodness. My heart can share and receive love. My heart holds hope and happiness. In fact, my heart continuously grows love and happiness that I can share with others.

I know that love exists in the world for me. It is unconditional, and it makes me feel special and worthy. Because I know I am loved I feel grounded and connected. Knowing this love for me is in the world makes me feel more like a part of the world and that I belong in it. Being loved makes me feel hopeful about life.

For these things I am truly grateful because my heart is always full.

 

Eurythmics – There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)

Gratitude and Creativity

Before my illness arrived I had some creative pursuits that I tried to commit time to daily. I wrote poetry. I walked around with a point-and-shoot camera and/or my iPhone all the time to make certain I never missed capturing a beautiful moment – flowers, sunsets, the movements of the city – then I used the images I captured to create graphic art. I painted – not very well – but my creations pleased me and the few friends who saw beauty in them.

Now I struggle to do any of those things. I am unable to do any of them with the same frequency, or at all. The constant weight of pain medications on my brain has reduced writing creatively to a slow trickle, which means I haven’t written many poems recently. Because of the pain I can’t go for walks when I want to take pictures of the active world and changing seasons outside my apartment. I have been trying to replace these creative things with activities I can do within the walls of my apartment without too much cerebral or physical effort.

Recently, while clicking through boards on Pinterest I found a creative project – art journaling. It does not require much effort and I decided to add my own twist. I’m combining creativity with gratitude. Each day I write about something for which I am grateful. Then – if I’m alert enough or not feeling too much pain – I sketch shapes or practice Zentangle doodles. I use coloured pencils and markers to draw and fill in the shapes I sketch, or I can paint the pages with water-colour paints. I’ve even written a few poems.

I have found a way to re-ignite my creativity while focusing on positive things. And, I am putting all of these things in one place where I can flip through the pages any time I need remind myself of about the good things that are in my life.