Tag Archives for chronic illness

InkTober: Day 12 – Worried

Worried is the constant state in which I have existed for just over three years. I’ve spent part of each day worried about one thing or another. How long will it take my doctors to figure out the exact cause of my pain? How long will the pain medications work or will they at least do their job today? How long will I have to take pain medications? What long-term effects are the pain medications having on my body? How many more side effects will show up? Should I go to the hospital emergency room to get some help to cope with a pain spike? Will the hospital staff think there’s nothing wrong with me and that I’m there seeking drugs? When can I go back to a normal life? And the most persistent worry, when will the pain stop?

So yes, I worry a lot. I know it doesn’t help at all because stress has a direct effect on pain, but it’s hard to feel like you have no control over what is happening to your body and not be worried about it.

InkTober - Day 12 - Worried

 

InkTober: Day 11 – Transport

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve wished for the ability to transport myself back to a time when I was healthy, and the only pain I had to worry about was sore muscles from exercise or sore feet from dancing all night. I know that’s an impossible and ridiculous thing to wish for, but when you have pain that is always with you, you sometimes desire impossible and ridiculous things to help you feel better. If I could build a time machine to go back in time, mine would probably be the first one devised without nefarious intentions, and I’d have to do everything in my power to keep it out of the wrong hands… 🙂

InkTober - Day 11 - Transport

 

InkTober: Day 10 – Jump

The first thing that popped into my head this morning when I saw today’s Inktober prompt was a poem I wrote a lifetime ago. When I was in university, I spent a lot of time studying in the campus library. It was a massive intimidating space. Whether I was studying alone or with a group of people, some of whom are cherished friends today, I always sat in an area on the top floor. I remember looking down to the main floor one day and suddenly wondering if I’d survive the jump. No need to fret, I wasn’t suicidal. It was just a momentary flash of a thought, which I suppose was stirred by the invincibility we feel when we’re young. That thought eventually became a poem that I’m sharing along with my illustration of today’s prompt.

InkTober - Day 10 - Jump

Here are my musings from that long-ago day in the library…

If I Jump