Tag Archives for Chronic Pain

Another Growth, Added Pain And More Waiting

A few months ago, I wrote about having pain that prevented me from sitting or standing. As it turns out, that pain was one of the precursors to learning that I have a new growth in my pelvis: A hemorrhagic (bleeding) cyst to be exact. This new bleeding cyst took up residence in the same space where a previous growth—the one that started me down the chronic pain path—was surgically removed from my pelvis four years ago.

The pain that prevented me from sitting or standing subsided after about a week, but didn’t completely fade. Then it flared up with a vengeance and greater intensity one evening at the beginning of September. The resurging pain forced me to go to the hospital emergency room (ER), yet again, later that night because it felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly in my pelvis by an unseen blunt blade.

Hours later, when an emergency room doctor finally saw me, I was sent for a series of abdominal ultrasound scans. According to the results of those ultrasound scans, the source of the pain was identified as a bleeding cyst growing on my right ovary that measured 4 cm x 3 cm x 3 cm (1.6 in x 1.2 in x 1.2 in). What I was told after that was not at all comforting.

I was told that because the cyst was bleeding, it could not be removed surgically. Depending on how much it was bleeding, the possibility existed that the bleeding could hide or create other issues during surgery (think excessive bleeding into my belly/pelvis). Therefore, I would have to bear—and I have been bearing—the added pain until and if the bleeding stopped so the cyst could be removed and/or simply wait for it to go away on its own. That was more than nine weeks ago. The added pain is more bearable now, but that added pain tells me that the source of it, the bleeding cyst on my right ovary, remains.

Since the start of this new, more painful phase, I have had multiple medical appointments. I saw my General Practitioner (GP) as one is instructed to do following a visit to the ER to update medical records. What I was told in the ER was confirmed: Nothing could be done while the cyst continued bleeding. To monitor the level of bleeding, I had blood tests (in the ER and then in my GP’s office) to check my hemoglobin level to ensure that my red blood cell count was normal, which it was.

Next, I saw my Pain Specialist—who I was due to see anyway—to figure out what could be done to help manage this added pain better. During that appointment, one of my longer-term non-opioid pain medications was changed to see whether I might benefit from another medication, Lyrica, which is also known by its generic name as Pregabalin. Lyrica is typically prescribed to treat pain caused by nerve damage from a variety of serious illnesses (diabetes, shingles (herpes zoster) infection, or spinal cord injury, and fibromyalgia)—none of which I’ve had. Although, it has been determined that I do have some degree of nerve damage because of the length of time (two years) I had to wait for surgery to remove the growth that had grown in my pelvis and started my chronic pain.

The last person from the team of medical professionals whose support I heavily rely on who I saw to get their input on this newly identified issue was my Surgeon/Gynecologist. He’s been supporting me since shortly after my pelvic pain-related health issues started, when I became ill six years ago; and he participated in the surgery that removed the first offending growth from my pelvis four years ago. His opinion after my ER visit was the same as my other doctors: We have to wait to see what happens because of the bleeding. I was disappointed by that, but because I trust him, I felt that if that was his decision it had to be the right thing to do.

Since then, I’ve had a follow up appointment with my Surgeon/Gynecologist. Last week, I went in to that appointment with hope that some of the waiting would end because I was meeting with him to review the results from a second set of abdominal ultrasound scans taken about 2 weeks earlier. Those scans were to look for any significant changes and to help decide what happens next.

Leading up to this appointment, I had trouble sleeping because my mind anxiously raced with questions and possibilities about what the ultrasound scan results would determine:

  • Will I have to continue waiting for my body to resolve this on its own?
  • While I wait, will I have to continue to bear the added pain?
  • Will I have to take a cocktail of medications with toxic side effects to eliminate this growth and prevent future issues?
  • What if it the bleeding doesn’t stop?
  • If the cyst grows bigger, will I have to have surgery to cut it from within my pelvis?

The least appealing of these options is of course having another surgery—even if it’s the best option—because I’ve had two pelvic surgeries within the past four years. I don’t want another surgery or invasive procedure performed on my body. The thought of being put unconscious with more heavy doses of anesthetics does not feel good because with each surgery or invasive procedure I have that requires general anesthesia the doses of anesthetics needed to put me under keep getting higher because of the high doses of opioid-based pain medications I take to manage my daily pain. I’ve also noticed that after each surgery or invasive procedure that requires general anesthesia, it gets harder to wake me and the shock of the pain I feel when I wake also feels more intense. Still, even if I don’t want another surgery, I felt that if surgery is the best or only option, I’ll do what’s necessary to stop this added pain and get rid of this new growth.

During my Thursday appointment with my Surgeon/Gynecologist, my anxiety was calmed slightly because I learned that I don’t have to have surgery now, but I must continue to wait to see how things will unfold.

Why must I continue to wait? I must continue to wait because the ultrasound scan results show positive changes, even though the added pain persists. The hemorrhagic cyst is smaller. It’s about half the size it was when the pain it caused forced me to go to the ER in September. It has shrunken from 4 cm to 2 cm (1.6 in to 0.8 in); and thankfully, it is no longer bleeding. However, since it’s shrinking and shows no sign of continued bleeding, the question remains as to why it’s still causing me the added pelvic pain I feel.

In addition, and unfortunately, the results from this recent series of abdomninal ultrasound scans also revealed more issues: Two new uterine polyps. This is concerning because I had surgery just two years ago to remove a uterine polyp, which fortunately was benign. Because of the current results, my Surgeon/Gynecologist will continue to monitor me for any additional changes in the size of the ovarian cyst and whether it starts to bleed again, or any changes to the uterine polyps. To look for these changes, I will undergo another series of abdominal ultrasound scans in January or February 2020 and I will return to see him for the results in March 2020.

The bottom line is that I must continue to wait; and as usual, I have to accept that nothing more can be done to manage the added pain.

In the meantime, here’s some of what I’ve been doing to distract myself from thinking about the added pain and the potential options to deal with its cause while I wait…

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

♦♦♦

 

♦♦♦

Note: For anyone interested in learning more about hemorrhagic cysts and how they might be treated, here’s a link to a journal article: Hemorrhagic ovarian cysts: Clinical and sonographic correlation with the management options. The article was published in March 2016 in the journal ScienceDirect and discusses the results from a study of 48 patients who all had hemorrhagic cysts with varying symptoms and outcomes.

 

InkTober 2019: Drawings for Day 21 to Day 31 Prompts

InkTober is officially finished—for me.

I drew my final illustration for the last prompt and posted it to my Instagram page yesterday. It should have taken a few more days to get it all done, but I was able to catch up as quickly as I did after taking my long weekend hiatus because there were a few days where I drew multiple illustrations.

Now, I have 31 illustrations in my art journal/sketchbook that stretched and thankfully improved my drawing skills over the span of a month. It was a challenge to make it through the month and I’m proud of myself for not throwing in the towel, even when I was stressed about being behind by 4 days because of the break I took from posting. There was also the challenge of keeping creatively motivated enough to think of things to draw that accurately illustrated the daily prompts.

Overall, I’m pleased with what I created and happy that I decided to participate in InkTober this year.

In this post, I’m sharing illustrations from Day 21 to Day 31 of the challenge.

 

On Day 21, I drew things to illustrate the prompt Treasure. That prompt made me think about what I treasure most in life, which are the people to whom I’m connected and the experiences I’ve shared with them.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 21 Treasure _____

 

As old as I am ghost stories still scare me. There’s something about not knowing exactly what happens to us—to our energy—after we die that makes it possible for me to believe that we could linger, stuck, between existences or space and time as we attempt to resolve whatever issue(s) may be keeping us here haunting the people and places we’ve loved and now must leave behind.

Does anyone else believe this could be true?

I invested a lot of time in my drawings for InkTober and it put me far behind. Because I was still behind for the Day 22 prompt, Ghost, I timed myself and finished this illustration in 15 minutes.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 22 Ghost _____

 

I haven’t traveled enough. I don’t know if anyone ever feels as if they have.

There are so many places I’d like to see—not simply for the sake of checking them off a bucket list—but because I’ve always been interested in history and learning about different cultures and there’s no better way to do that than traveling.

One of the places I’d like to visit that perfectly illustrates the prompt Ancient for Day 23 of InkTober is the Pyramids of Giza in Egypt. Every person I know who has seen the pyramids has returned home in awe that they were built and survived thousands of years.

Who wouldn’t want to share in that experience?

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 23 Ancient _____

 

Vertigo isn’t just the name of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

It’s a medical condition that, in my experience, can be as mild as feeling slightly off-balance when you stand up to not being able to stand or walk at all because lifting your head alone can make you feel like the entire world is actually spinning around you. The dizziness it causes can also make you feel extreme nausea.

At one point I experienced vertigo as the rare side effect of a prescribed medication. At other times, the cause couldn’t be identified and each episode varied in duration and intensity. Fortunately, for me, the dizzying symptoms of vertigo usually go away on their own. However, there can be severe cases when medication, physiotherapy, and/or surgery may be necessary to treat it.

I hope this simple drawing illustrated the Day 24 prompt, Dizzy, for InkTober well.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 24 Dizzy _____

 

When I was a kid my absolute favourite ice cream flavour was Orange Sherbet.

It was the only flavour I asked for whenever we went to Baskin Robbins and it felt like it was the only flavour that could satisfy my craving for ice cream. If it wasn’t available it was nearly impossible for me to choose another flavour. Since then I’ve expanded my palette considerably when it comes to eating tasty, sweet, creamy, cold treats.

These days a visit to Baskin Robbins usually finds me seeking out Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream. It’s the perfect blend of two delicious treats.

What was your childhood favourite ice cream flavour?

I hope everyone agrees ice cream is Tasty and a good choice to illustrate the Day 25 InkTober prompt.

By the way, this is not an ad. Baskin Robbins just happens to be the place where I can find the ice cream flavours I like.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 25 Tasty _____

 

CONFESSION: I’m a chocoholic.

The end.

I hope my drawing of dark chocolate got your taste buds working. I drew the expensive kind with a foil wrapper for the InkTober Day 26 prompt Dark.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 26 Dark _____

 

Coat is the prompt for Day 27. I love a well-designed coat: the shape, colour, fabric, even an interesting pattern. Most of all, I love the warmth a good coat provides during our long winters.

Every year when spring arrives, I tend to wear my coat/jacket well beyond the time that the weather starts to warm up. I think it might be because I don’t want to give up the layer of cozy warmth that carried me through the colder months.

I wonder if anyone else holds on to their coat longer than necessary in the spring…

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 27 Coat _____

 

I can still remember my first bicycle. It was bright yellow with white tires (training wheels too) and a white seat. It took a while for me to learn to ride it without the training wheels and once I learned it was hard to get me off it.

The bicycle I own now isn’t as brightly coloured. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to ride it since becoming ill and I don’t know when or if I’ll ride one again. That’s a thought that saddens me because there is a certain freedom in getting on a bicycle and moving your body through city streets or along park trails for hours or as far as your legs can pedal you.

It’s a freedom that I miss and truly hope I can reclaim.

Ride is the prompt for Day 28 of InkTober.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 28 Ride _____

 

It took much longer than I had intended to illustrate this prompt.

I was determined to make it resemble a real hand no matter how much time I had to invest.

My one hope is that it was obvious that it’s an injured hand before I identified it for you.

Injured is the prompt for Day 29.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 29 Injured _____

 

I might have caught the prettiest fish that never existed.

I have a fuzzy memory from childhood of going fishing in the Caribbean Sea with one of my uncles. I’m quite certain I didn’t catch anything. In fact, I might not have touched the fishing pole. But it’s one of the few memories I have where that uncle played a significant role and whenever I recall it I feel happy and warm.

I drew this pretty fish to illustrate the prompt Catch for Day 30 of InkTober.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 30 Catch _____

 

I crossed the InkTober finish line a couple days late but the important thing to me is that I finished by drawing something for each of the 31 prompts.

The last prompt in the challenge is Ripe and it reminded me of a day years ago when I went to pick peaches and cherries with friends at an orchard.

We picked ripe fruit straight from the branches of trees and we ate some right from the branches too. Then we each left the orchard carrying overflowing baskets of delicious fruit.

From where I sit that’s not a bad memory to end this month-long challenge thinking about.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 31 Ripe _____

 

If you participated in InkTober this year, I hope you feel a similar, or greater, level of satisfaction with what you created and that you continue drawing.

 

InkTober 2019: Drawings for Day 11 to Day 20 Prompts

I don’t know where the time went. The days seem to have blurred together…

I shared my first ten drawings for the InkTober challenge more than two weeks ago. Then I took a short break—from posting, not drawing—because we had a long weekend in recognition of Canada’s Thanksgiving holiday and I wanted to enjoy the extra time with my family and friends fully. Because of that, I fell behind in posting by a few days; and although I continued posting my drawings daily, on my Instagram page, I kept delaying uploading them here.

I can’t tell you why. Not because I don’t want to. I simply don’t have what feels like a good enough reason for why I didn’t.

Now Inktober is over; but I never caught up from the short break I took. I have two illustrations remaining to post on my Instagram page, but I will finish the challenge.

This post includes my drawings that illustrate the InkTober prompts from Day 11 to Day 20 of the challenge. A few of which I’m truly pleased with.

 

The eleventh prompt from the list was Snow. It made me think about how parts of the country were already blanketed in snow at the beginning of October. Some of the storms that brought multiple feet of snow with them arrived at the end of September.

As much as I love snow, I’m happy that I live in a part of the country where we’re having a definite fall this year. We get to see the leaves change colour and we’re being gently eased into winter and its frigid temperatures.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 11 Snow _____

 

I decided not to be literal for the Day 12 prompt: Dragon.

Instead, I was inspired by memories from this past summer when I saw more dragonflies in the space of a few days than I ever remember seeing before in my entire adult life. If you click on the image of the dragonfly that I drew to illustrate the prompt you’ll be taken to my Instagram page where you can see a series of photos I took, including one of a red-bodied dragonfly.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 12 Dragon _____

 

I love sitting in front of a fire, whether it’s in a fireplace or an outdoor fire pit. I enjoy feeling the warmth the flames of a fire generate. Multiple studies now confirm that sitting in front of a fire doesn’t just warm our bodies and homes, it also relaxes us and decreases our blood pressure. Surprisingly those benefits can also be achieved from watching a video of a crackling fire for 15 minutes.

I’ve recently learned how to build fires. It was a little tricky at first but I’m definitely getting the hang of it. It’s become a point of pride for me. It’s taking me less and less time to build a fire that burns strong and long enough to warm an entire house.

The prompt for Day 13 of InkTober was Ash. Of course, I thought of the piles of ash created in the wood-burning stove I sat in front of to keep warm during the Thanksgiving long weekend.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 13 Ash _____

 

Most days my hair feels overgrown…

It is the longest it has been since I was a little girl when getting haircuts was unheard of or thought of as unnecessary for little girls, especially if your hair was usually braided. Interestingly, the main reason it’s this long now is my illness. Allowing my hair to just grow is easier than worrying about having a sleek updated hairstyle at all times like I used to when my life was more active.

Also, my hair is naturally curly and blow drying it straight takes more energy than I have to spare most days, so wearing it curly or pulling it back in a ponytail have become my go-to styles. Surprisingly, not fussing with my hair all the time or applying excessive heat with a blow dryer and flat iron have also made my hair healthier.

Overgrown was the prompt for Day 14 of the challenge.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 14 Overgrown _____

 

This is probably the most predictable thing I could draw to illustrate the prompt for Day 15 of the InkTober challenge, which was Legend.

Unfortunately, my imagination couldn’t conjure up anything else more fitting or interesting than the sword stuck in stone that could only be pulled out by a person with the purest of hearts and a hereditary connection to a great legend/myth. Isn’t it interesting how stories—true or not—can become so deeply ingrained in our minds that at times we can think of nothing else?

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 15 Legend _____

 

What’s wilder than a field of wildflowers?

The prompt for InkTober Day 16 is Wild.

I couldn’t think of anything wilder or more beautiful than a field full of bright colourful flowers growing untamed.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 16 Wild _____

 

CONFESSION: I haven’t put up an Xmas tree in my home in years.

I think the main reason is that it’s a lot of work for one person and I haven’t had the energy to spare.

Added to that I usually spend Xmas at a family gathering and with friends, so putting up a tree just seemed pointless. Unfortunately, this means I don’t have a collection of ornaments I could use if I did decide to have a tree for the holidays.

I may not have physical ornaments but I was able to draw one for the prompt for Day 17 of InkTober, which was Ornament.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 17 Ornament _____

 

Whether it’s a square peg in a round hole or a round peg in a square hole, I’m certain that each of us, at some point in our lives, has felt like we don’t belong somewhere.

The trick, I’ve learned, is to walk into every room as if there is no doubt whatsoever that you are exactly where you should be. When you project that level of confidence no one will question you; and with enough practice any insecurities you feel will eventually fade…

There’s nothing wrong with being a Misfit, you just have to wear it with confidence; similar to the way I’ve chosen to illustrate this prompt for Day 18 of InkTober with these bold colours.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 18 Misfit _____

 

I am a huge Game of Thrones fan.

The prompt for Day 19 of InkTober, Sling, made me think of the battle scenes from the series where medieval weapons were used to hurl a variety of deadly projectile objects at enemies across battlefields. They used the massive wooden slings (trebuchets) to launch boulders and buckets of fiery hot oil long distances.

Drawing this makes me wish the show hadn’t ended yet.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 19 Sling _____

 

I cheated a little on this drawing by tracing the shape of my flip-flop. Then I used the pattern on the sole of a pair of running shoes as inspiration.

As I looked at the sole of my running shoe, I realized that I rarely look at the bottom of my shoes, which is kind of unfortunate since shoe designers actually put thought and effort into designing the soles of our shoes. Depending on the function of the shoes the sole can be intricately patterned or have a deeply grooved tread that helps to prevent slipping when we walk on wet or uneven surfaces.

Look at the soles of the shoes you’re wearing right now. Are they plain and patternless, deeply grooved, or do they look like a small piece of art?

Tread was the prompt for Day 20 of InkTober.

_____ InkTober 2019 – Day 20 Tread _____

 

I’ll upload the last group of drawings shortly.

If you participated in InkTober this year (or in previous years) I’d love to know how you dealt with the pressure of maintaining your inspiration to draw and post an illustration each day.