Tag Archives for hope

Pain Clinic #10: The Hope of Bluebells

I had to be up and out of the house early in the morning for an appointment at the hospital yesterday. I had to check in to the Day Surgery Department at the hospital where I am seen by my Pain Specialists by 7:45 AM so they could prep me for yet another pain treatment. I haven’t been writing about my Pain Clinic visits much in past months because they are so frequent and usually consist of just a check in to see how I’m coping and what might be the next course of action. I’ve also been doing research about the procedures and medications they propose so I can better advocate for myself and not allow anxiety, due to lack of knowledge or understanding of what is being done to my body, to potentially create a mental block or resistance so my body can fully benefit from what I’m undergoing.

Yesterday’s pain treatment was particularly tough to handle mentally. However, on my way home from the hospital afterwards, I saw bluebells in a flowerbox outside a restaurant. I took some photos of them because, to me, they have always symbolized the beginning of Spring and the resurgence of life after the deepest cold of winter. It made me so happy when I saw them. I’m hoping they are a sign that what I went through yesterday in the treatment clinic, is the start of something better in my life…

 

The Hope of Bluebells 1 – May 2017
The Hope of Bluebells 2 – May 2017

 

New Year

It’s a new year for me to learn more about who I am and the world I live in.

Another year has flown by in a blur. I’m amazed at how quickly time moves, especially now when my days aren’t filled with maddening levels of activity. Still, I’m moving into this new year with new tools and insights about who I am, my illness, and my ability to cope, which hopefully will make things (even just a bit) less challenging.

My mind is abuzz with creative ideas. I hope to have the energy to give life to them with words and to pour them in bold bright colours and shapes on the clean pages of my sketchbooks, and maybe beyond. I’m making plans to travel for the first time since my illness arrived almost three and a half years ago. I’m both excited and anxious about this. Nevertheless, I know the sun, soft sand, and salt water I crave will do good things for my body. I even had a couple dates in 2016. They didn’t result in second dates, but now I know that dating with a chronic illness isn’t impossible, so I’ll probably try some more.

Most importantly, my relationships with my friends and family continue to surprise me (mainly in good ways) and bring me closer to the people I love. Where there has been conflict, I’m learning to approach things without the heavy finiteness of ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Actually, what it might truly be is clearly weighing the value the people on the other side of a rift bring to my life and what I give to theirs. That level of awareness makes room for much more compassion and cuts short the sting from offenses, whether intended or not.

All in all, with some commitment to things I learned in 2016, the year ahead should be a good one.

New Year

 

Happy Day

In recent years, the holiday season has been a difficult time for me. Whether it’s been due to daily physical pain, multiple visits to the hospital emergency room to get medical help to cope with my pain flare-ups, missing holiday events with friends, or not being able to attend family dinners; the past few years have been hard.

However, this year, regardless of where I end up, I’ve decided that I’m going to have a happy day. It won’t matter if the only way I can connect with my friends and family is virtually through text messages, phone calls, and video chats from my bed or a bed in the emergency room. If I can’t make it to dinner because my pain is too overwhelming, I won’t feel conflicted or guilty because I decide to stay home and give my body the rest it needs. If I decide to go to my family’s dinner today and feel sore and exhausted after the drive there, I will give myself permission to find a quiet place to rest and recharge.

Whatever the day brings, the important thing for me is to do what I need to take care of myself. That is my gift to myself today: a day free of pressure, anxiety, and self-doubt. I hope that everyone living with a chronic illness has the freedom to make their own choices today – and every day – so they don’t have unnecessary stress and anxiety piled on top of lives that are already a struggle.

I hope that just as I am determined to, that everyone will have a happy day today.

 

Happy Day