Tag Archives for InkTober2016

InkTober: Day 26 – Box

Now that I have time to look at the world around me, instead of madly rushing from one point to the next as I used to, I’ve realized that most people – I include myself in saying “most”–, tend to live their lives in a box, rarely venturing outside its confines to see what the rest of the world holds. We often have many explanations for why, but they can usually be boiled down to one reason: we find a space where we feel comfortable and develop a routine around the things and people within it. Then, before you know it, the trip we always wanted to take to the place we always wanted to explore is never taken, the hobby we thought might be fun to learn is never learned; or any number of things we dreamed about trying are never tried.

Whether it’s because we are shy, or in some extreme cases have social anxiety, or we doubt our abilities, or we find ourselves in unexpected circumstances, our dreams tend to be the things we let go by the wayside first. We decide that we need to put them aside because the things we ‘have to do’ must take priority over the things we ‘want to do’. Sometimes that is a necessary sacrifice, especially if it’s the job we need to pay our bills and keep a roof over our heads. However, I wonder, what would happen if once in a while we decide to do the thing we ‘want to do’ to see where it leads us?

What if we invested a few hours a week into the hobby – say knitting – we’ve always been interested in learning? What if it turned out that we were great knitters? What if people around us recognized our knitting talent and asked us to knit them something? What if more people saw the thing we knitted and decided they wanted one? And what if over time even greater numbers of people saw our creations and wanted them too? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we could all become millionaire entrepreneur knitters because no one outside our immediate circle of friends and family might ever want anything we make, but we might surprisingly find out that we really are good knitters and we enjoy doing it.

Imagine if we tried. We could find more things that bring joy to our lives. Imagine if the one time we choose to do the thing we ‘want to do’ instead of the thing we ‘have to do’ – the thing that keeps us stuck in our box – becomes the moment we realize we can always make room in our lives for our dreams.

InkTober - Day 26 - Box

 

InkTober: Day 25 – Tired

I’ve surprised myself by keeping up with the daily prompts of this month-long InkTober drawing challenge. I’m even more proud of myself for using it, as I said I would on Day 1, as a daily mindfulness practice for myself. However, I have to admit that keeping up with the daily challenge has tired me out somewhat; so today’s entry will be short. I need some rest and I must give more attention to my pain today.

One of the things about a mindfulness practice is that being a witness to your experiences also requires you to honour them.

InkTober - Day 25 - Tired

 

InkTober: Day 24 – One Dozen

One of the hardest things to cope with in life is knowing that you’re not being heard. Knowing that your voice is drowned out because others believe they know what you feel better than you do. Whether it’s your emotions or how you physically feel in your body, it’s a difficult thing to accept when your feelings are dismissed or ignored. It can also greatly affect the way you interact with others and how you feel when you walk away.

I was in the hospital for almost one dozen days three years ago – 11 days to be exact –, while doctors and nurses streamed in and out of my room around the clock monitoring my condition. They adjusted the tubes in my arms that led to multiple IV bags and changed those bags countless times when the medications they contained had emptied after flowing into my body one drip at a time. They scheduled tests and procedures for me to undergo, for which orderlies punctually arrived and wheeled me to, through mazes of sanitized hallways. The only thing they didn’t do was listen to me.

Even as I lay in the hospital bed writhing in unbearable pain, they refused to hear or believe me. For close to a dozen days, they did not listen to me when I described the intense pain in my lower abdomen. They did not listen because according to them, the condition they incorrectly diagnosed was never accompanied by such high levels of pain. They gave me the lowest doses of pain medications to appease me and take the edge off my ‘imagined’ pain and continued to flood my body with other medications without doing the proper probing or listening to arrive at a correct diagnosis.

That experience of not being listened to continued, for almost a year. It wasn’t until I was seen by an Anesthesiologist completing her Fellowship in Pain Management, almost 11 months later – at the pain clinic where I am now treated – that someone finally spent the time asking me a lengthy list of questions and listening closely to my responses, that I was believed. The compassion and patience she extended to me during our first meeting, and during each meeting that followed until the end of her Fellowship, made me feel huge relief; and the first report she wrote and sent to my other doctors led to a monumental shift in their attitudes about my illness and my treatment plan.

Had I not met that doctor, I’m not sure how I would be coping now. Her willingness to listen to me and act on what I told her changed so much about how I perceive my illness and its symptoms. It also helped to temper the negative perception I was developing about the other medical professionals who were involved in my care, and those who still are. I know she was doing her job, but her approach made all the difference, and I hope the patients she continues to work with will have experiences similar to mine.

InkTober - Day 24 - One Dozen