Tag Archives for InkTober2016

InkTober: Day 23 – Slow

My mind and body have slowed considerably since the arrival of my illness. The main causes are my pain and the high doses of pain medications I’m required to take every day to manage it. I’ve experienced what is commonly called ‘brain fog’, which is a state where your mind’s clarity and your ability to understand things are clouded. This forces me to ask people to slow down when they are speaking to me so I’m certain not to miss any of the information they are sharing with me. I also carry a notebook with me, pretty much all the time, to write things down so I don’t forget or have to rely solely on my sometimes cloudy mind to remember things.

Where my body is concerned, on days where moving around isn’t too painful, and even when it is, I move more slowly too. I’ve adjusted my gait and walking pace and sometimes need to ask people I’m spending time with to shorten their strides so I can keep up. The only other time in my life I’ve concentrated so intently on my gait and pace is when I was a runner. It was important then to be conscious of how I planted my foot on the ground with each step: was I controlling my overpronation – the inward rolling of my foot – each time it landed on the ground. And was I running at the correct pace to finish a mapped distance in the amount of time I wanted. All while keeping myself motivated by remembering a running coach’s simple yet truthful advice that the best way to finish a race is by planting one foot in front of the other over and over again.

These changes to my body have been hard to adjust to; however, they’ve also made it necessary for me to live in the moment, which is not a terrible thing. No more multi-tasking and busyness that can make a person feel frazzled and stressed. No more pushing through things in my life regardless of how I feel without acknowledging those feelings. No frantic rushing to meet deadlines without being able to enjoy fully the process of creating or completing something new. No making mistakes simply from a lack of focussed attention on the task in front of you. All of these changes because I need to focus on one item, one issue, and one person at a time so I don’t feel overloaded, anxious, and fatigued.

Because of my illness, I’ve also come to learn that the nervous system is both delicate and resilient. It can easily be thrown off balance because of what we put in our bodies and injuries to our bodies. On the other hand, it also works to stabilize and heal our bodies in response to injuries and foreign substances. Unfortunately, my nervous system has been working overtime to cope with the perceived injury my body experienced three years ago. Until it figures out that the danger is over and it regains its balance, I’ll have to continue moving slow to prevent new complications; and I’ll continue appreciating the benefits that come with living in the moment.

InkTober - Day 23 - Slow

 

InkTober: Day 22 – Little

Yesterday I wrote about focusing on the big picture in life. That doesn’t mean I don’t recognize the importance of the little things we do or say to deepen the connections we have with others. One of the little things my parents taught me as a child is most important, is saying ‘thank you’. When I went with my parents to dinners or other events at the homes of friends or family members, I was always expected to personally thank the hosts for their hospitality before walking out the door. If I forgot, my mother would make a point of sending me back into the house to say these words, “Thank you for having me for (insert name of occasion).”

When I was a kid, I hated doing it, especially if it was the home of someone who made me feel uncomfortable or they served food I didn’t like. Not to mention that I saw it as another aspect of my strict upbringing where I felt my parents made an unnecessary fuss. However, as an adult I recognize the value of what my parents taught me. People appreciate small gestures of gratitude and thanks. Whether it’s the manager who interviews you as a potential employee – I always send a ‘thank you’ note or email after an interview –, or the friend who lifts your mood when you need it most. Showing my gratitude in a tangible way is ingrained in me.

I keep stashes of ‘thank you’ cards at home and I’m always drawn to their beautiful designs and packaging in stationery stores. Although, I don’t believe it’s necessary to spend money to say thank you. A handwritten note or letter goes a long way in these times of electronic communication. Besides, you never know how much such a little thing as letting someone know you appreciate him or her can mean; and the best part about expressing gratitude is you don’t have to wait until a person does something for you. You can simply thank them for being a positive presence in your life.

InkTober - Day 22 - Little

 

 

InkTober: Day 21 – Big

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by a situation you didn’t know what to do with yourself? That happens to me more often than I care to admit. I’ve occupied that space of frenzied energy quite a bit in recent years because of my health. There were moments when I couldn’t comprehend all the information given to me by multiple doctors in appointments and I walked away feeling scared and lost. Many times, I couldn’t make sense of what my body was doing or why, but knew I had to seek help in addition to my daily cocktail of medications. Of course, it sometimes gets worse when the solutions proposed to restore my health seem crazy, and then disappointingly don’t deliver the expected results.

However, with all of this unpredictable craziness in my life in the last few years, I’ve been forced to put a lot of things into the proper perspective. Sometimes people and issues in my daily life make me angry, but the physical reaction my body responds with forces me to take a step back and remind myself that whatever I’m dealing with in that moment, isn’t as big a deal as what I’ve been doing my best to cope with for three years. And when I contrast my health trials to some of those of the people I’ve connected with through social media or people closer to me within my circle of personal relationships, they pale in comparison.

Perspective is an interesting thing. We need to remember to keep our sights on the big picture so the little things don’t tear us down.

InkTober - Day 21 - Big