Tag Archives for InkTober2016

InkTober: Day 20 – Squeeze

It probably wouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me that I always squeeze my toothpaste – or other things that come in tubes – from the bottom. Nor would they be shocked to learn that I care about the direction toilet paper is rolled: it should always be from the top. I also like my dishes, and cans and boxes of food stacked and organized a certain way, as well as clothing and linens being folding and stored in distinct ways. When CDs were a big thing, I had a filing system for my CD collection, so I could easily know where to find music when I wanted to listen to something specific. My friends definitely mocked me for this, when I explained my system because they wanted to play or borrow music.

I’m not suggesting that I’m OCD – at least I’ve never been diagnosed – but I appreciate order. Although it’s become impossible to keep some of that order since becoming ill. Whether it’s because I’m too tired or sore to do something the way I usually would, or trying not to be rude when someone takes the time to help me. The order that I once prided myself on keeping is falling by the wayside. There seems to always be dishes in my kitchen sink. I rarely put away all my clothes, whether immediately after being laundered or if they don’t make the cut when I’m choosing an outfit, and because of that I have a perpetual mound of fabric sitting atop the chair in my bedroom; and sometimes on the side of the bed on which I don’t sleep. I recently told a friend that I need a desk. He replied, “You don’t need a desk. You need a dining table.” Alluding to the fact that my dining table is now littered, with all the things (my laptop, pens, markers, pencils, notebooks, sketchbooks) I would want to place on a desk.

I can’t seem to muster the energy to get things in order. However, I don’t necessarily believe it’s a bad thing that I’m not so strictly organized anymore. The energy I once squeezed into cleaning or making sure I placed things in specific places, even when I was exhausted, isn’t channelled into those areas anymore – not that I don’t have my moments of weakness when someone does me the favour of doing my dishes. I’m using that energy, when it’s available to me, to do creative things and take care of myself. Furthermore, instead of a place where things are always neatly organized, I’m enjoying the idea of having a home that looks and feels lived-in.

InkTober - Day 20 - Squeeze

 

InkTober: Day 19 – Flight

I envy the freedom of animals with the ability to fly. Reaching the heights of the clouds and floating above everything on the ground. I suppose that’s why I love huge roller coasters that make you feel like you’re so high in the air you might fall off the earth; and, why I’ve gone skydiving. I wanted to get back on the plane and climb up to 10,000 feet so I could glide down again, as soon as I landed and collected my parachute. It might even have been why I enjoyed gymnastics so much when I was younger. If I try hard, I can vividly remember swinging between the uneven bars then releasing my grip from the high bar and feeling my body in flight for mere seconds before landing in the safety of the mats.

Such bodily freedom shouldn’t belong only to animals with wings.

InkTober - Day 19 - Flight

 

InkTober: Day 18 – Escape

Who doesn’t want to escape? From our daily lives, our jobs, and even our families; we’ve all thought about getting away from everything. And, it could be so easy to do. Pack a bag, buy a ticket to destinations unknown, then off you go. The challenge in life is staying, sticking out the choices and commitments to others and ourselves. However, sometimes we meet things we never expected – an unshakeable change of heart, fear of failure, the never-ending expectations after achieving success, workplace harassment, intimate violence, abuse –, which make escaping not only enticing but necessary.

I’ve lived through, and witnessed, situations no person should ever have to endure. I’ve seen a lack of kindness and empathy in the world that makes me wonder how it is we’ve survived this long as a civilization, or species. The work I used to do made me hopeful, sometimes, that education and access to resources could make people’s lives better and create communities in which people could feel safe and not need to plan, or pray, for a way to escape their lives. I often wonder if the work I did was ever truly helpful to anyone or when I’ll be able to get back to making contributions – meaningful ones – to a world from which so many of us would like to escape.

InkTober - Day 18 - Escape