Tag Archives for inspiration

Gratitude and Creativity: We Evolve

Even before the arrival of my illness, sleep was a difficult thing for me. Insomnia and I are old friends, but having to cope with it while dealing with high levels of pain is not an easy thing. When I was working, I used to take advantage of the times I couldn’t sleep by catching up on or completing work tasks early. In some ways it seemed like a blessing to be so productive, but of course there were the drawbacks of struggling to get out of bed many mornings and having to caffeinate myself to get my brain started and to stay alert sometimes later in the day.

When I can’t sleep now, I don’t feel productive, I feel restless, which makes my mind bounce all over the place during the longest stretches of the night. Sometimes I watch TV shows or movies to make the time pass more quickly. Other times I spend hours online poring over pages of articles, news, videos, and interesting writing others post here. Thankfully, many of the things people post here positively occupy my thoughts and lead to me being creative, which feels so much better than being productive.

In the dark, early hours of Thursday morning, a poem I found on Dave Kavanagh’s site, which he titled ‘Dark Eyed Woman’ sparked some creativity to help me pass the time. I was fortunate to engage with him through the comment section of his site and part of our exchange calmed the restlessness of my thoughts enough for me to write some poetry. In this respect – my creativity being sparked so I can write – I still see insomnia as a blessing sometimes. However, I know that sleep is the bigger blessing I need so I can better manage my illness.

We Evolve

 

Gratitude and Creativity: Death Comes

I was in a very dark mood yesterday because of the intensity of my pain. Unable to sleep – as I often am – last night I went searching through the WordPress community for interesting things to read. Sometimes I search through the list of blogs I follow in the Reader, while at other times I randomly select a tag to see what others are writing about under different topics. Last night, or early this morning, I chose to search under the tag ‘death’ because I had attached it to yesterday’s post.

What I found wasn’t as morbid or bleak as one might expect. Not that I didn’t find some heartbreaking posts, but I also found inspirational and philosophical writing from many members of the community. One of the posts I read was about an excerpt of a letter from Pier Giorgio Frassati a beatified early twentieth century Italian Catholic social activist. The letter was in response to a friend who had not heard from him for a long while, who wrote to him asking if he was dead. In his response Frassati wrote, “Dead – what does this word mean?”

He then details definitions of death for his friend, and goes on to say, “But if we’re talking about the word in its true essence, then sadly not only am I dead, but already resuscitated a number of times only – alas! to die again.” The post I read this in came from the site Contemplative in the Mud, whose author seemed to have had a bit of a day herself/himself, or at least was introspective about the ups and downs of life. The nice thing for me, after reading this post, was that it opened me up to write some poetry in the early morning hours, which distracted me, at least for a little while, from my pain.

 

Death Comes

 

Gratitude and Creativity: And Then The Night Comes

My illness keeps me housebound, except for the odd occasion when I feel well enough to go out with friends or when I have medical appointments. Being stuck at home as much as I am, I spend a lot of time online. It’s how I stay connected to the world and keep track of what’s happening daily. It’s also how I get a glimpse into the lives of others. I know that sounds voyeuristic, but I mean it in the best way possible. Whether it’s reading news articles, watching videos, or reading other people’s personal blogs, I see so much – and I’m certain more than they sometimes want to reveal – about who they are.

One of the blogs I follow is ‘Kaffe con leche’, which is written by a young woman originally from Sweden, Maria Repa, who now lives in Bolivia with her daughter and soon-to-be ex-husband. Even though English is not her native language, the rawness of emotion in her posts caught my attention. I think I was most drawn in to her writing because I could relate to her sadness and longing for emotional support and connection, and her desire to fill what she calls the voids in her life. I can also remember myself as that once insecure 30-year-old, trying to define herself and make the best out of what the world was offering.

Yesterday as I was catching up on posts from Maria’s blog, one of her recent posts, ‘And then the night comes’, lit up my brain. I had to write her a response. I did it the only way I can when I’m struck by so much emotion: with a poem. I hope my words help her feel a little less lonely and more aware that she is connected to the world in more ways than she realizes.

 

And Then The Night Comes