Tag Archives for inspiration

Gratitude And Creativity: Heart In Motion

A few days ago as I scrolled through the pages of one of the many blogs I follow, yet another post led me to an artist new to me; and a wellspring of inspiration I otherwise might not have found. While visiting artist Deb Riley’s site, I followed links to a post she wrote about 103-year-old Japanese artist Toko Shinoda. This incredible woman works with a centuries-old Chinese art form: sumi ink paintings and prints. Her art merges traditional calligraphy with modern abstract expression, which immediately grabbed my attention. However, Toko Shinoda’s personal description of her work was what inspired me most. She states, “Certain forms float up in my mind’s eye. Aromas, a blowing breeze, a rain-drenched gust of wind…the air in motion, my heart in motion. I try to capture these vague, evanescent images of the instant and put them into vivid form.”

It was impossible for me to read Toko Shinoda’s words and not write poetry. It continues to amaze me that I started this blog because I was in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed by my illness and the strong pain medications I need to manage my pain. Even though my pain and illness stubbornly persist, my heart and spirit are positively affected each time I connect with posts shared by other bloggers, in this endless universe of talent and creative storytelling. Surprisingly, this space, meant to be a place to purge – somewhat coherently – all the things that are too hard for me to voice to anyone close to me, is transforming me with each post I read and write.

Heart In Motion

 

Gratitude and Creativity: A Blade Of Grass

It appears that the Penny Dreadful television series had an unexpected impact on me: the darkness, the fear, the gore, and the intensity that held it all together.

One episode in particular, Episode 4 of Season 3, ‘A Blade of Grass’, where the character played by Eva Green, Vanessa Ives, relives the trauma of her forgotten institutionalization really moved me. The loneliness, pain, and terror she experiences in her padded cell are raw. Watching her live through every moment was frightening and made me cry at times.

However, a few words from that episode clung to my mind: “not even a blade of grass.” The context in which they are said is meant to convey hopelessness, but I felt inspiration from them.

It took a bit of turning the words over, in my head and in type, but I was finally able to weave them into poetry.

A Blade of Grass

 

All Those Seeds

I read a post from someone who visited my blog earlier today and it reminded me of what I went through this time last year. I was in another downward spiral because my reluctant surgeon couldn’t seem to move far enough forward in her thinking to get me into surgery. For almost a year, in one appointment after another, she sent me staggering emotionally from hope to despair about what my life might look like based on one worst-case scenario after another. She eroded any confidence I might have held in her. Thankfully, even through the fog of all my pain medications and my endless pain, I was able to feel and recognize that I deserved better than what she was offering.

The few visits I had with my second opinion surgeon, led to swift action and although I wasn’t cured of my pain, at least the thing that was growing inside my pelvis that started all of this is gone. Without the confidence and compassion of my second opinion surgeon, my fears and anxiety would have grown exponentially. Instead of making calm, informed decisions, the way he did, and now the rest of my current medical team help me to; everything would have continued to be reactionary based on my desire to stop feeling pain without understanding the suspected source and mapping out the best treatment plan for me.

I hope Snowdroplets finds the same compassion, expertise, and thoughtfulness I did as she seeks out her second opinions and makes her choices. I also hope that mirroring her words back to her will help to keep her positive and confident that seeking out doctors that make you feel comfortable and secure is the best medicine.

 

All Those Seeds