Tag Archives for Invisible Illness

Pain Clinic #10: The Hope of Bluebells

I had to be up and out of the house early in the morning for an appointment at the hospital yesterday. I had to check in to the Day Surgery Department at the hospital where I am seen by my Pain Specialists by 7:45 AM so they could prep me for yet another pain treatment. I haven’t been writing about my Pain Clinic visits much in past months because they are so frequent and usually consist of just a check in to see how I’m coping and what might be the next course of action. I’ve also been doing research about the procedures and medications they propose so I can better advocate for myself and not allow anxiety, due to lack of knowledge or understanding of what is being done to my body, to potentially create a mental block or resistance so my body can fully benefit from what I’m undergoing.

Yesterday’s pain treatment was particularly tough to handle mentally. However, on my way home from the hospital afterwards, I saw bluebells in a flowerbox outside a restaurant. I took some photos of them because, to me, they have always symbolized the beginning of Spring and the resurgence of life after the deepest cold of winter. It made me so happy when I saw them. I’m hoping they are a sign that what I went through yesterday in the treatment clinic, is the start of something better in my life…

 

The Hope of Bluebells 1 – May 2017
The Hope of Bluebells 2 – May 2017

 

Gratitude and Creativity: Layering Colours

I’m focused on learning so many creative skills that sometimes I miss the plain fact that I’m already capable of doing lots of the things I tell myself I can’t do. In the pursuit of learning, I’ve purchased stacks of art supplies (pens, graphite pencils, coloured pencils, sketchbooks, specialty paper, paints, brushes, and markers), so much that I often don’t remember what I bought years ago and sometimes surprise myself when I find things in nearly new condition. On the other hand, at other times I sit with the intention of teaching myself something “new” only to realize that, although not perfect, I might already have the skill and I may just need practice or not be aware of the technical name of what I’m attempting. I’m not sure if it’s the passage of time or my illness – or more likely all the pain medications I take – that make me unaware or doubt myself, but it’s an odd space to occupy at times.

In March, during a visit to one of my local Dollar Stores, I found some inexpensive sketchbooks that have pages made from kraft paper, instead of the usual stark white or off-white pages found in standard sketchbooks one might buy in an art supplies store. There were four unique cover designs to choose from so I bought one of each. The sketchbook I decided to start using first has a sketch of a fountain pen, bottles of inks, a pencil, and a micron pen on its front cover, but it’s the blank golden paper behind the covers that piqued my interest. I started drawing on the bright kraft paper pages as soon as I brought them home.

I started out doodling in it with a graphite pencil and a fine point black ink pen. Then, maybe because these sketchbooks are so inexpensive or simply because I was curious to see how other media would work with the kraft paper, I started trying out other things. So far, the pages have held up nicely to acrylic paint pens, gel pens, the application of white gesso – which I’d never used before –, markers, and oil pastels. Then a few weeks ago, I discovered that coloured pencils pop on kraft paper. How did I discover this? While looking through the profiles of some artists on Instagram, I saw some of the most beautiful bright illustrations created using coloured pencil on kraft paper by Australian artist Deb Hudson, and I decided I had to try it out for myself.

However, before opening my package of 60 brand spanking new Prismacolor coloured pencils that I bought last year to experiment with, I went in search of what’s left of the 24 coloured pencils from the same brand I bought years ago when I used to do creative things on a regular basis. Back then, I used to colour with coloured pencils by pressing hard on the lead to get bold colour on the page from the first stroke of the pencil, which meant that depending on the colours I used most, I had to replace individual pencils often; and I built up a collection of tiny pencils.

Since that time, from watching videos, reading books and articles on creative websites in recent years, I’ve learned that you need to build up layers until you get the bold colour you desire. I’ve also, learned that layering allows more flexibility – it’s easier to correct mistakes or change a colour palette – and most of all it is calming. While you work to achieve the rich colour and paper coverage with the slow repetitive motion of the pencil, you become more relaxed.

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That leads me to this week’s IFDrawAWeek challenge. The prompt for this week was balloons. When I think of balloons, I always think of the brightest colours, happy sunny days, and floating, whether it’s the balloon alone or me with it. This challenge was an opportunity to apply the drawing and colouring skills I’ve learned over the years. I not only wanted to make the drawing colourful and cheerful, I also wanted to create the perception of depth and to make my sketchbook page pop.

I know I may have taken some creative licence with this drawing, but I doubt that there aren’t many people out there who might have imagined floating away with the help of a bunch of balloons once or twice…

 

Spring Cleaning Pain

I’m late posting my entry for last week’s ‘IF Draw A Week‘ challenge that I found on Instagram. It’s not because I didn’t complete it. For whatever reason I had more technology hiccups yesterday, so I diverted my attention to do attempt some Spring Cleaning. I’m cleaning because I feel mentally cluttered as a result of my home becoming cluttered. Actually, it’s been cluttered – and my version of shamefully messy – for a while now because I can’t clean the way I used to and the person I had coming to clean my home for me hasn’t been able to be here for several months. Happily, she found a full-time job that pays enough so she doesn’t have to clean other people’s homes anymore to make ends meet.

Sadly, what that means for me is that I’m sinking under the weight of undone chores. It also means that after making any significant effort, as I did yesterday, I pay for it with added pain. When I finally fell asleep last night – it was actually early this morning – I knew that I’d be in for a painful day, and my body has not disappointed as it continues to narrow the parameters of my life. In this instance, it’s a clean house vs. manageable pain, but the cleaning is not finished yet, so I have to prepare myself for the painful days ahead until it’s all done.

However, if I can’t address the clutter in my home in one go, at least I can briefly put aside the clutter in my mind. The prompt for last week’s ‘IF Draw A Week’ challenge was to “sketch something from real life”, and because it’s not possible to draw pain and I don’t want to depict the growing stack of paper on my dining table, I decided to draw some of my art supplies. The objects I drew are a black binder clip, my trusty Staedtler pencil sharpener, and one of my newly discovered – and quickly becoming favourites – Muji gel pens.

My effort to spring clean my home may not have been successful, but I hope that I successfully captured what these items look like in real life on paper.

From Life – IFDrawAWeek65 – April 2017
From Real Life – IFDrawAWeek65