Tag Archives for journal

InkTober: Day 22 – Little

Yesterday I wrote about focusing on the big picture in life. That doesn’t mean I don’t recognize the importance of the little things we do or say to deepen the connections we have with others. One of the little things my parents taught me as a child is most important, is saying ‘thank you’. When I went with my parents to dinners or other events at the homes of friends or family members, I was always expected to personally thank the hosts for their hospitality before walking out the door. If I forgot, my mother would make a point of sending me back into the house to say these words, “Thank you for having me for (insert name of occasion).”

When I was a kid, I hated doing it, especially if it was the home of someone who made me feel uncomfortable or they served food I didn’t like. Not to mention that I saw it as another aspect of my strict upbringing where I felt my parents made an unnecessary fuss. However, as an adult I recognize the value of what my parents taught me. People appreciate small gestures of gratitude and thanks. Whether it’s the manager who interviews you as a potential employee – I always send a ‘thank you’ note or email after an interview –, or the friend who lifts your mood when you need it most. Showing my gratitude in a tangible way is ingrained in me.

I keep stashes of ‘thank you’ cards at home and I’m always drawn to their beautiful designs and packaging in stationery stores. Although, I don’t believe it’s necessary to spend money to say thank you. A handwritten note or letter goes a long way in these times of electronic communication. Besides, you never know how much such a little thing as letting someone know you appreciate him or her can mean; and the best part about expressing gratitude is you don’t have to wait until a person does something for you. You can simply thank them for being a positive presence in your life.

InkTober - Day 22 - Little

 

 

InkTober: Day 21 – Big

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by a situation you didn’t know what to do with yourself? That happens to me more often than I care to admit. I’ve occupied that space of frenzied energy quite a bit in recent years because of my health. There were moments when I couldn’t comprehend all the information given to me by multiple doctors in appointments and I walked away feeling scared and lost. Many times, I couldn’t make sense of what my body was doing or why, but knew I had to seek help in addition to my daily cocktail of medications. Of course, it sometimes gets worse when the solutions proposed to restore my health seem crazy, and then disappointingly don’t deliver the expected results.

However, with all of this unpredictable craziness in my life in the last few years, I’ve been forced to put a lot of things into the proper perspective. Sometimes people and issues in my daily life make me angry, but the physical reaction my body responds with forces me to take a step back and remind myself that whatever I’m dealing with in that moment, isn’t as big a deal as what I’ve been doing my best to cope with for three years. And when I contrast my health trials to some of those of the people I’ve connected with through social media or people closer to me within my circle of personal relationships, they pale in comparison.

Perspective is an interesting thing. We need to remember to keep our sights on the big picture so the little things don’t tear us down.

InkTober - Day 21 - Big

 

Keep Safe Old Friend

Today is the birthday of a friend of mine from high school. I haven’t seen her in years, but I never forget that this day is her birthday. As many do, our paths diverged after high school: I went to university; she went right to work then soon became pregnant with her first child. Being from a religious family, they made her choices for her. She would marry the boy she barely loved, or knew well, and raise a family. That boy became an abusive husband and father, who beat her during both her pregnancies and whenever else it suited him; facts she hid from me for a long time.

When she first told me, I felt outraged and wanted to do everything in my power to punish him and to change her situation: she and her children could stay with me as long as necessary so she could figure out what she needed and wanted to do for herself, for them. She never left him because both families and her religion forbade it. Family elders and their priests counselled them, but the abuse never ended. It evolved, becoming the thing that controlled her life, isolated her, made her ill, and a shadow of the vibrant person she once was.

All these years later, I still become overwhelmed with grief and anger, and well up with tears when I think of the smart beautiful funny girl she was and the hopeless woman she became. There is nothing I wouldn’t have done to help her leave him and nothing I wouldn’t do now. On the odd occasion when we talk on the phone because he’s not lurking somewhere nearby, the topic and the possibilities of how she could leave still arise, but the fear she feels for herself and her children outweighs all else. So, I tell her to keep herself safe and reluctantly hang up and wait for the next time she calls.

I don’t know if she received the birthday message I sent to her by text this morning. I didn’t get a reply. I can only hope she did receive it and believe that telling her I love her makes a difference in her day, and in this fraction of her life. When you love someone that’s what you want for them: goodness and the best of everything. Even when you know, the chances of that happening are slim. Nevertheless, just in case, I’ll send another birthday wish into the universe for my old friend with all the love in my heart, and I’ll pray that she’s keeping safe.

 

Elton John – Friends