Tag Archives for journal

My Horrible Boss

Since the day I called in sick to work 18 months ago my boss has been a nightmare.

I have not been left alone long enough to fully process that I’m so sick I’m unable to carry out most basic daily tasks; or that I may never be pain-free again; or that my body may never be healthy again; and that the one thing that should fix me could further diminish my health.

With this as my reality, my boss has made it her mission to add another layer of hell to my life.

Her attitude was cemented when I refused to share my diagnosis with her. Even though labour laws clearly state that an employer can not – under any circumstances – ask an employee any questions related to an illness. When I filed a complaint about her behaviour the blow-back was and continues to be unbelievable. I’ve actually ended up in the emergency room because I’ve become so stressed – which then caused my pain to flare up – about interactions I’ve had to have with my company.

A few months ago, my company terminated my extended health benefits for things like: prescriptions, dental, visioncare, nursing care, and other health-care services. The prescription benefits covered the cost of my pain medications. My pain medications alone cost hundreds of dollars each month, which I now have to pay for out of my pocket.

Shockingly, I learned about my termination when I contacted my pharmacy to refill my pain medications. My pharmacist tried to process the automated payments. He immediately received an electronic error message from my insurance company saying my benefits plan was terminated.

My boss carried out the termination of my benefits by terminating my employment without notifying me. To accomplish this, she first modified my employment status from ‘permanent employee’ to ‘contract employee’ and then pulled a date out of the air for the end of my supposed contract. She then claimed she had no way of contacting me, which is laughable because I have a collection of emails with retaliatory content spanning the course of my illness.

Not one person I’ve told about this situation can understand the motivation or the logic behind this behaviour. One question keeps floating to the surface: Would my boss’ behaviour be better if I had told her my diagnosis or is she just a horrible person to her core?

 

Depeche Mode probably wouldn’t understand this situation either…

Depeche Mode – People Are People (1984)

My Reluctant Surgeon

I saw my surgeon first thing this morning.

In her words I am “a complicated case” and she “wants the best” for me.

Her best is not to rush into surgery. She does not believe the invasive surgery typically prescribed to restore the health of someone with the congenital condition my symptoms point to – at least the non-complicated version of the condition – will eliminate my chronic pelvic pain and the referred pain (i.e. pain felt in an area remote from the site of origin) I now have in my back and legs. Additionally, she foresees a multitude of post-operative complications and she believes there will likely be others she can’t predict because of how unpredictably my body has been behaving.

What she decided to do, to make sure I get the best care, is refer me to her more senior colleague for a second opinion. She has been consulting with him about my case and thinks it’s time he met me to make direct observations. If after reviewing my chart and examining me the senior surgeon decides surgery is the only way forward, my surgeon wants to be a part of the surgical team.

I want her to be part of the team too. I trust her because of her thoughtful reluctance to pick up a scalpel and her attempts to find alternate, less invasive treatments to treat my complicated case. And I trust that if she is a part of the team I will receive the best that she desires for me.

 

If you’re a child of the 80s you will remember this song appealing to a doctor for help

Thompson Twins – “Doctor Doctor”

Monday Monday

I have spent the last few days recovering from the procedure I had on Thursday that failed to deliver the results my surgeon was hoping it would achieve. Although it did make me have a pain flare up. Thursday night was very uncomfortable and I woke up every few hours during the night. I was fortunate to have pain medication to cover me during the night– the pain specialist modified my medications a few weeks ago to make sure I have pain relief when I’m awake at night, which is typical of my life now.

I’m now back to what I call ‘normal pain levels’. The sharp pain I had because of the procedure has passed. What’s left is the pain that is always with me. The pain that reminds me that there is something wrong with my body that needs to be put right.

Tomorrow morning (Monday), I’ll be meeting with my surgeon to discuss what she believes should be the next step. She has already made it clear that she has significant concerns about performing the surgery prescribed for my condition. Tomorrow’s appointment will push me closer to making a decision that may change my life so drastically I won’t recognize myself.

It isn’t noon yet and my anxiety about tomorrow’s appointment can’t be measured.

 

I leave with The Mamas & The Papas whose words I hope are not an omen of what I should expect tomorrow

The Mamas & The Papas – Monday Monday