It appears that the Penny Dreadful television series had an unexpected impact on me: the darkness, the fear, the gore, and the intensity that held it all together.
One episode in particular, Episode 4 of Season 3, ‘A Blade of Grass’, where the character played by Eva Green, Vanessa Ives, relives the trauma of her forgotten institutionalization really moved me. The loneliness, pain, and terror she experiences in her padded cell are raw. Watching her live through every moment was frightening and made me cry at times.
However, a few words from that episode clung to my mind: “not even a blade of grass.” The context in which they are said is meant to convey hopelessness, but I felt inspiration from them.
It took a bit of turning the words over, in my head and in type, but I was finally able to weave them into poetry.
I don’t usually like watching horror or occult-themed shows or movies, and definitely not alone. However, in keeping my mind occupied there is a certain show I can’t seem to turn away from when it’s on the screen that falls within these genres. Truthfully, I go searching for it to catch up on episodes I’ve missed. The show is Penny Dreadful and airs on Showtime Networks. Eva Green a former “Bond girl” and former teen heartthrob Josh Hartnett play lead characters. The main cast is rounded out by Timothy Dalton’s role as an adventuring, aristocratic Victorian gentleman, which he plays as brilliantly as he once played James Bond; and while I’m not as familiar with each member of the supporting cast, they each play their parts brilliantly.
After watching a shocking episode on Sunday night, it disappointed me to learn online last night that it was the unexpected series finale. The show was in its third season. The blurb on the Showtime Network website describes the series’ concept as, “Some of literature’s most terrifying characters, including Dr. Frankenstein and his monster, Dorian Gray, and iconic figures from the novel Dracula are lurking in the darkest corners of Victorian London. They are joined by a core of original characters in a complex, frightening new narrative. Penny Dreadful is a psychological thriller filled with dark mystery and suspense, where personal demons from the past can be stronger than vampires, evil spirits and immortal beasts.”
As terrifying as some as the plot lines are, they fascinated me and made it impossible for me to turn away. I find it believable that within each of us lurks a primal beast just below the surface of our skins. Not to mention the myriad unknown creatures living in the darkest corners of the world and the immeasurable powers they might wield, what some might characterize as supernatural. It frightens and intrigues me to think that we might only see and exist in a small fraction of reality, and that there is a constant battle between the forces of good and evil; not in a religious sense but in relation to the negative and positive energies that fuel the universe and how they emerge. How do we decide which of those pulls to yield to and to what extent we can resist temptation from each pole?
A more intriguing question is whether it is even possible to withstand such powers alone; or if we must, as the show suggests, rely on the strength of others to carry us through darkness. And greater still, is this unending struggle the reason love, in all its forms, is capable of pushing beyond so many perilous situations, especially when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to receive it? Maybe I’m seeing more symbolism than what’s actually present in this chilling dramatic series, but each time the darkness rises up it is one form of light or another that breaks it down. If anyone watched this show, I’d be curious to know if you agree with me.
I love my cousin’s children. It was incredible witnessing the birth of her third child a few months ago and having been there makes me feel a strong connection to him. However, her older son – he turned three recently – is working on staking a permanent claim on a corner of my heart. He is one of the sweetest, good-natured children I’ve ever known. He’s affectionate, empathetic, already fiercely protective of those he loves, and hopelessly irresistible. So irresistible, it’s impossible for me to say no to him.
When I spend time with him, my lap becomes his favourite place to sit. He plants himself on my lap for comfort, play, and conversations I sometimes have to pretend to understand – after all, not all three-year-olds have perfect pronunciation. I also become his go-to person when he needs to use the potty. He comes to me, no one else, tells me he has to go, then takes my hand, and leads me to the bathroom. I have to hold him in place so he doesn’t fall into the toilet bowl while he does his business then clean him up, and help him get re-dressed. This may not be my favourite part of spending time with him, but the trust he places in me feels like an enormous privilege.
The only problem with not saying no to him is that it adds to my pain levels. Unfortunately, he weighs more than his newborn brother so having him sit on my lap is one of the best and least enjoyable parts of spending time with him – if that makes any sense. There’s also the issue of how often he needs to use the potty because it means standing and sitting back down for the countless trips with him to the bathroom; or wherever else he feels like leading me: getting snacks from the kitchen or finding his toys. All of this added activity puts a strain on my legs and pelvis; and is most likely the reason I had the intense pain flare I wrote about in my last post after an overnight visit to celebrate his birthday two weeks ago.
Still, no matter how I try to justify it, none of this feels like a good enough reason to deny this little boy the physical closeness that gives him comfort, makes him feel secure, and happy. I also have to admit that even with the added pain; I don’t want to change how I interact with him because I want him to feel loved by me always.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Teach Your Children
My Small Surrenders 