Tag Archives for Mindfulness

Zentangle Tile #1: My Body Has Limits

Some months ago, I discovered Zentangle. I started teaching myself individual tangles, which is the name of the patterns created when you draw various lines together. I’ve been adding tangles to the drawings I create in my art/gratitude journal, but for some reason, I kept holding back on actually making a Zentangle tile – that’s drawing tangles on a 3 1/2-inch x 3 1/2-inch square card of paper. I’m not sure why I’ve held back because I bought a few packages of tiles months ago before my surgery. My intention was to make a tile each day as part of my daily meditation or focused mindfulness time – I don’t even know if I should label the time I spend trying to have some quiet or not focus on my pain. The penny just dropped as I read back those last two lines. It seems that every time I try to make something a structured activity I block myself from doing it.

Nonetheless, last week when I went to the hospital for my cousin’s labour, I packed a few distractions in my bag – my art/gratitude journal, Zentangle notebook, pens, coloured markers, and tiles – just in case things took longer than expected. To my surprise, I started a tile – my very first tile. For the string – you’re supposed to draw random lines with a pencil within the border of the tile to make sections so you don’t have to think about where you’re going to add the tangles – I drew the letter B in honour of the baby that was on his way into the world. It took a bit of time for me to flip through my Zentangle notebook to decide which tangle pattern of the many I’ve learned so far to start with, but I settled on one that has become a favourite: flying geese. I had a few minutes to work on filling in the tile, but I had to put it aside when my cousin started having stronger contractions.

I finally got back to the tile today. I needed to focus on something calming because I’ve been having a tough time since I went to the hospital last week to support my cousin during her labour. My body is making it clear to me that I have limits. I knew I overdid it, when walking out of the hospital to find a taxi after the baby’s birth, the soles of my feet and my ankles were sore. Since last Wednesday, my pain has been more intense than my normal levels and my legs, ankles, and feet swelled. The swelling is now declining, but I’m still having some difficulty walking because of the pain.

Today, for about an hour as I finished the tile, my intention to make the lines of the tangles I chose for the tile smooth and filling in spaces with black ink distracted me from my pain. Then I chose which direction was the right side up and focused on adding some shading to each tangle with a pencil. I’m pleased with what I created. I’m also pleased that I found another way to cope with my pain that relies solely on what I can create, even at times when my pain levels are so high.

 

Eagles – Take It To The Limit

Gratitude and Creativity: My Body Needs Quiet

Everyone in my life now knows that when they ask me to do something that requires me to shower, get dressed, and then leave my home that the plans we make are tentative. They know this because of days like those that I’ve had for the past few days. On Saturday afternoon I was in so much pain I wanted to cry – of course, no tears would come. The reason I wanted to cry wasn’t solely the level of pain. It was also because there were things happening in my city this weekend and in the lives of some of my friends and family that I’d be able to participate in, if I were pain-free. Every time I have to say no to something because of my pain, it makes me feel sad.

As it is, now the only things I go to no matter how I feel are doctors’ appointments. Although, there are some exceptions when – like a few weeks ago for my dad’s retirement party and my friend J’s milestone birthday dinner – I force myself to go out despite my pain level. I went to both of those events feeling excruciating pain and knowing that I would be in even greater pain afterward. I also knew that it would take a few days to recover from that increased pain. Recover in the sense that my pain returns to levels where I can cope. In this instance, it took the better part of a week to get to “normal” after the party and birthday dinner, which took place within days of each other. The length of time it took to get to a pain level where I could cope was a reminder that I need to listen to my body and accept – and respect – what others may view as limitations, but I know are messages from my body I shouldn’t ignore.

My Body Needs Quiet

I’ve learned, over the past two years, that when I start a day with above normal levels of pain, that I have to listen to my body. What my body is telling me – screaming at me – on these days is that I need to be still; I need to rest; and I need to find quiet. It’s not always easy, but I’m getting better at listening to my body. That means this weekend because of the high level of pain I was feeling, I missed spending time with J, an arts festival, and my cousin’s baby shower that would have required me to exert a lot of energy – and probably pay for it with more pain. I missed those events and I had to do so without any regret.

Unfortunately, missing the physical activity involved in fun events isn’t the only thing that requires mindfulness of my body’s messages. In recent weeks, I’ve been trying to support my cousin who’s been having a tough time in her personal life. I’ve spent a lot of time on the phone with her just listening and being a sounding board, and I think it’s starting to take its toll on me. Because I want to show my support and let her know I’m there for her, I’ve been ignoring my need for quiet time.

Quiet time is something I’ve always factored into my self-care; and I think it’s important for everyone, but of even greater importance for anyone recovering from an illness or living with chronic pain. Reducing the busyness of the mind helps to reduce stress, which can slow recovery or cause pain levels to increase. I believe the continuous activity of phone calls and text messages – and my increasing worry for my cousin – are affecting my pain levels. As much as I know she’s depending on me for advice and comfort, I also know that my body needs time for quiet. I know this probably means not answering every call or responding to every text message from my cousin, but I have to re-establish the necessary balance of self-care for my body, and that includes quiet time.

 

Depeche Mode – Enjoy The Silence

Gratitude and Creativity: Smile Every Day

Sometimes, when sleep eludes me at night, I dig through the endless pages of the interwebs trying to find things that don’t make me feel bad about not sleeping. I know I’m a grown woman who can do whatever she likes at any time of the day or night, but not sleeping often makes me feel guilt and anxiety. Writing that makes me feel a bit silly, but it’s the truth. What’s most significant about that truth, is that it’s a sad truth because I’ve had issues with sleep for as long as I can remember, so that means my body has been holding a lot of guilt and anxiety about not sleeping for a long time. Sleep is the lynchpin to good health: mental and physical, so as things go I’m not doing too well.

Sleep aside, last night I landed on a page with inspirational posters. One of them was very simple: Smile Every Day. It made perfect sense and affected me so strongly I had to create a poster of my own. At about 11:00 PM last night I grabbed my sketchbook (the one I started when I was in the hospital), a pencil, and all my coloured markers. The idea I had forced me to log on to Pinterest to find a drawing tutorial because I couldn’t figure out how to draw a mouth. Yup, I couldn’t figure out how to draw the thing I shovel food into every day and from which drool happily flows when I do finally sleep thanks to my night guard. In the end, I found an easy tutorial and I was able to draw a mouth that I think fits perfectly with the quote and my design.

Smile Every Day

This quote affected me so deeply because when I started working in sales many years ago, in the sales/customer service department of a software company; one of the things they taught us in training is that before we answer the phone we should always smile. Smiling boosts the tone in your voice and makes you sound positive when speaking to someone on the phone. Some people kept a small mirror at their desk as a reminder to put on a smile because there were days when we didn’t always feel like smiling.

Jumping to the present day, I realized when I read that poster yesterday that I haven’t been smiling every day. I’m not depressed. But my pain doesn’t’ make it easy to smile. I’m also back at home again and alone most days, which means I don’t have anyone to smile with unless someone comes to visit, or I get a phone call.

I’m glad I found that page last night. Now I have a reminder for myself to smile every day. Regardless of how much pain I might be feeling, if I’ve had very little sleep, or the sun isn’t shining; I’m going to smile every day.