Tag Archives for pain

I’m In Pain but I Don’t Want TLC

I got online this afternoon to distract myself from my pain by connecting with the world outside my approximately 700 square feet. When I opened my WordPress reader some Time Magazine article headlines shocked me. They were about the Duggar family of TLC’s reality TV show ‘19 Kids and Counting’. I’ve watched a few episodes of this family’s odd life – at least what I consider odd. As the title says, the Duggars are a family of 19 children. They are devout Independent Baptists, which means they “believe in strict separation from the world” and interpret Biblical Scripture literally. Additionally, they are adherents of the far-right Christian Patriarchy movement also known as Quiverfull who homeschool their children; believe “God has granted men authority over their families” (i.e. the emphasis is on the headship of the father or patriarch); “preferably, men should be in charge in the workplace”; and that “women’s sphere of influence is the home”.

As I learned this afternoon, this conservative Christian family that I’ve seen project an air of righteousness and morality has a pretty big skeleton in a closet in their large family home. The eldest son of the Duggar family, Josh, admitted that 12 years he “molested underage girls, including some of his sisters, when he was a teenager.” The Time Magazine articles went on to say that after Josh confessed, his father, Jim Bob Duggar, “waited more than a year before contacting police”. Then instead of being charged and punished by the justice system for this crime that he characterized as just inexcusable behaviour, Josh Duggar’s family arranged for him “and those affected by [his] actions to receive counseling”. From what I read on social media that counselling might not have occurred. You can read one article here: TLC Pulls 19 Kids and Counting After Josh Duggar Molestation Claims.

I was so stunned when I read his statement and Time Magazine’s repeated use of the term “past indiscretions” that I had to find more information about this horrific situation. I found so much information on online it was like a bloody train wreck from which I couldn’t look away. Instead of doing my daily reading and looking for ideas to further my creative interests I got sucked into the escalating fray of people calling for TLC to cancel ‘19 Kids and Counting’. The general argument being that “what TLC has been putting on the air since 2008 with the Duggar family is, simply, a moral fraud”.

I have to agree with that judgement. From where I sit, the parents of Josh Duggar hid information about his criminal acts to gain a platform to promote their beliefs and interests which include, but are not limited to: anti-contraception, anti-abortion, anti-LGBTQ rights, absolute submission of women to men, and creationism. More importantly, they hid this for financial gain. They chose fame and fortune at the expense of their daughters and the other children that their son molested – who by all accounts received little support. They did this at the expense of their son who most likely did not get the psychological help he needed at a critical age and stage of development to understand and control the disorder that is pedophilia. Their actions are not only immoral they are also criminal. And TLC needs to send a strong message that these societal ills cannot be tolerated and cancel this show.

From what I saw on social media today there are droves of people who do not agree with my position. They feel that Josh Duggar made a “mistake” and he should be forgiven. But my increased pain level and blood pressure at the thought of the long-lasting harm he – and his parents – caused those little girls makes me disagree.

 

Queen – Under Pressure

Gratitude and Creativity: Daisies and Rediscoveries

I’ve been struggling to cope with a pain flare up since last week. The flare up started because I had multiple days of activity. Going out is a struggle for me. The motion in any vehicle I ride in sends pain shooting through my pelvis. Then my recovery depends on how far the ride is and how much walking I have to do when I get to my destination. Sometimes I can recover in a day but other times, like last week, when I have to go to multiple appointments or just out for the sake of leaving the house it takes days.

This pain flare up is compounded by swollen calves, ankles and feet, and more pain in my legs, back, and right hip. The hip pain is new and makes it difficult for me to sit. All of this is disrupting my sleep. So I either can’t sleep or after a couple of days of little sleep I crash and can’t stay awake – think narcolepsy.

Today, when it became clear that sleep was not an option, I decided to do something to distract me from the pain. A couple of weeks ago I started a doodle in my art/gratitude journal but didn’t know how to finish it. What was on the page was a roughly sketched frame with nothing in it. I decided to draw Gerbera daisies inside it. They are one of my favourite varieties of flowers. The brilliant brightly coloured blooms always put a smile on my face.

Gratitude & Creativity – Daisy with Frame

My art/gratitude journal is reconnecting me to parts of myself that I almost forgot ever existed, while opening me to learning many new things. But because I haven’t drawn much in years it is quite challenging for me to draw flowers. I spent a few hours sketching the daisies with a pencil. Then I used colour markers to fill in the details. I originally planned to fill the petals with bright colour, but as I coloured I felt I should leave them empty – I can always change it later. I had to concentrate hard to produce something I like. Focusing on drawing daisies distracted my mind from the pain for a little while and made the day go by faster.

 

Lindsey Stirling – Electric Daisy Violin

Pain Clinic #5

Last Friday I returned to the pain clinic to discuss my options for more invasive pain management methods because surgery – or a definitive plan to restore my health and eliminate my pain – is now far into the distance. I met with a pain management specialist I hadn’t seen before. His style of interaction was not as comforting or as informative as the doctor I’ve grown quite comfortable with over the last year. At the beginning of our session I had to ask him to slow his speech because it was very clipped and difficult to understand because of what I thought was a fast-moving Australian accent. It turned out that he is a British northerner, which on a good day is a hard accent to understand but was doubly so because of my medication fog.

We spoke for a while. Since, of course, each time you meet with a different doctor or medical practitioner you have to repeat your history and your primary concern of the moment. I explained to him that because I have no idea when or how the surgeon will treat my condition, and because I have no desire to increase the amount of pain medications I take – it would be impossible to function – I believe I need to have my pain treated more aggressively with other methods. I told him my favourite pain specialist – I didn’t actually say that, at least I hope I didn’t – had described the procedures that might be available to me and after a lot of thought I’m ready to try one or both.

He reviewed my chart. He reiterated the possible benefits and risks of each procedure. And especially emphasised that because my case is so “unique” and “complicated” – when I get better I’m going to set up an online dating profile and use those descriptors to snag a prime partner – whichever procedure they use might not work and may actually cause me to have a terrible pain flare up. How’s that for setting someone’s expectations?

He left the examination room to consult with the head pain specialist of the clinic to decide what to do with me. When he returned to the room about 15 minutes later my fate was sealed. I will get the Ganglion Impar Block that “treat[s] chronic, neuropathic perineal pain from visceral and/or sympathetic pain syndromes”. That’s a fancy way of saying they’re going to try to numb my pelvic pain and the associated leg and back pain. It is a delicate procedure for which I will be heavily sedated so they will admit me to the hospital under day surgery. I will need someone to take me to the hospital and take me home. This is the third time in just under a year that I will be heavily sedated on top of the large quantity of pain medications I take.

I don’t have the date for this procedure yet. I will get my notice by phone from one of the pain clinic administrative clerks who are all very lovely; or in the mail with an official-looking, detailed letter about when, where and how it will take place and what I need to do to prepare for the day. I’m not sure it’s a good thing, but I’m getting used to waiting for these notices to arrive so I can transfer the information to my calendar then patiently count down the days to the next procedure, consultation, or examination.

 

Europe – The Final Countdown