Tag Archives for thoughts

Pain Tears

Waking up and feeling pain so intense it makes me cry is becoming a regular occurrence, at least it seems to be. This morning, when I got up to take my early morning dose of medications I was met with such terrible pelvic and hip pain it caused my eyes to water. I didn’t cry for as long as I did one morning about a week ago, but getting to this point with pain is more common now. I’m not certain if it’s the arrival of colder temperatures or because my sleep is so erratic, but whichever it is, it’s taking an emotional toll.

I almost long for the days when after running long distances my body would ache in places I didn’t know could hurt. Because that pain was different. That pain reminded me that I was active. It made me think about whether I needed to improve or change something in my stride as I ran. It made me question if I needed a new pair of running shoes or if I needed to stretch more before or after a long run. That pain, the pain that erupted in my body after running 10, 15, or even 25 kilometers (6 to 15 miles), reminded me that my body was strong and I was using it and pushing its limits.

This pain makes me feel defeated even before I’ve risen from my bed. This pain that makes me cry tells me I may never run the distances I did in the past nor feel the freedom of unencumbered movement from a healthy active body. Maybe that’s the reason I cry. Maybe without being conscious of the loss, my body – actually, my muscle memory – is mourning deeply and the only way to express it is through tears. Tears that are sometimes brief and at others pour out an hour’s worth.

At times, like this morning, when the pain is so bad that all I can do is cry, I long for the days when my body ached from the known punishment of running for hours…

Pain Tears - December 2017
Pain Tears – December 2017
Pain Tears - Colour - December 2017
Pain Tears – Colour – December 2017

 

A Life Lost Without Mercy

In the early evening hours of November 13th, my close friend R lost his wife to a long and hard-fought battle with cancer. For six years, she woke every morning and with hope as her weapon, she tried to beat the dreadful enemy that took root and spread within her. Yesterday, as she slept, with her defenses down, this disease that is capable of assuming varied forms took her life.

It had no mercy. It claimed her before her prognosed time. It did not give her a chance to say goodbye to anyone she loved nor those who loved her. She passed from the world of being into a place we do not know, but for millennia imagined to be peaceful and restful. For her sake and for R’s sake, I hope our imaginings are true and that she is now in a place where the merciless disease that plagued her for so long can harm her no more.

Today and for a long time to come, my deepest sympathies are with their friends, her family, and his family as they grieve this sudden loss.

 

Bob Dylan – Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door

 

After InkTober 2017 Is Over

Now that I’m finished with InkTober 2017, I need to figure out what I’m going to do to occupy my time. Last year, I worked on teaching myself to draw better, which I believe paid off in this year’s challenge. What feels like the right direction for me this year, is revisiting the colourful geometric art I enjoyed creating in the past. What I created then ranged from simple shapes with basic colour to intricately combined lines with bright bold colour palettes.

In recent years, as I’ve searched for my artistic style, the geometric pieces I created keep surfacing in my thoughts. Because these thoughts are so persistent, I intend to use this style as a base. To this base, I will add the different artistic methods I’ve taught myself over the last four years as I’ve sought creative ways to cope with my illness. I’ll also make use of any new skills I pick up as I go along.

I’m looking forward to the new things I’ll create with old-established methods.

If you participated in InkTober 2017, what are you going to do now that it’s over?