Tag Archives for writer’s block

Breaking My Unplanned Break

I took a break from writing for what should have been a few weeks. The weeks have ballooned into months. Not because I planned it but because it was becoming difficult to parse through what I need to focus on to keep myself healthy(ish) and sane while living with chronic pain; and what I want to do, to stay engaged with the world while keeping myself above any potential downward spiral into depression.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to restart what had become my daily mindful, creative practice that included writing, but I’m still struggling. I had hoped that eliminating the pressure of scheduled time in front of my laptop keyboard and mound of art supplies would somehow recharge me and reignite my enthusiasm to share what happens in my life involving my illness, treatments, and coping methods. However, it’s possible that the opposite happened. Stepping away for so long might have further rusted my ability to concentrate and coherently string words together; or it could simply be – as it was when I started my break – that it continues to grow more difficult to find a comfortable position to sit in for long enough to engage my creativity and to record my thoughts.

Thankfully, my break did not extend to creating in my art journals/sketchbooks. In the time I’ve been away, while drawing and doodling, I’ve been inspired to handwrite poetry that doesn’t feel forced for the sake of having content for my blog. I’ve also scribbled thoughts about all that has happened in the margins of my art journal/sketchbook pages. My hope is that some of these scribbled thoughts might make their way into or become full posts in the near future.

In the time I’ve been away from writing, I crossed what to me is a significant milestone: the fifth year of living with my illness, its growing list of side effects and continual pain. Since all of this started five years ago, I’ve grown intimately familiar with the struggle of maintaining focus and concentration – on pretty much everything – as I push myself through each day physically and emotionally with some days being monumentally worse than others are. Strangely, most days, I feel numb at the same time that my body is overwhelmed by intense and sometimes unbearable pain. I don’t know if that will make sense to anyone else: Feeling nothing, while feeling everything all at once.

I may not have recharged during this break, but I’ve come to realize that whether I’m engaged with my creative practice or not, I’ve managed to make it this far with my illness; and, I suppose, I’ll continue to move forward whether I write about it daily or not.

Breaking My Unplanned Break Outline – November 2018
Breaking My Unplanned Break Filled – November 2018

 

Drawing Lots of Lines But Writing Few Words

I’m still having difficulty writing. However, although I’ve been struggling with my writing, I’ve still been using other creative outlets to cope with the frustrations of my illness. I’m making index card art with more frequency. Instead of using my sketchbook, it’s easier to carry a small stack of white 6 inch x 4 inch cards (15.24 cm x 10.16 cm) and a few pens around with me to draw something, while attending my pain management programs and other medical appointments.

Line drawing and basic doodling have become easy ways to distract myself from thinking about my pain. I guess that makes writing the harder way I’ve chosen to cope with my pain, since the greater my pain the less able I am to focus and concentrate on putting words together on a page. I’m anxiously anticipating a break in the block because writing has always been part of my self-care.

IC #16 – Lined Hypnotic

In the meantime, I can I only hope my pain management program instructors understand that I can draw lines on index cards and still pay attention to the information they share…

 

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Blocked From Writing

Writer’s block is a terrible affliction. I have so much happening in my life that I want and need to write about but my brain seems to be locked in a struggle with itself about which story to tell first and how to tell them. I started my blog as one way to cope with my illness so I wasn’t trapped inside my own thoughts, especially the negative ones. However, lately, even with so much happening to and around me, I can’t let much of it out. I must have at least half a dozen posts started but they are each a long way from finished.

Luckily, I’ve been able to maintain my connection to the creative practice that I also started as another method of coping, so the art is still being created. I’ve been posting what I’ve been creating on my Instagram page, which I suppose is a small release because I do write captions for the things I share. Still, I need to figure out a way to clear the cobwebs or lift the brain fog – whichever idiom is more suitable – so I can get back to documenting and sharing my experiences with the unending hope that what I write helps someone have a better day, as much as it usually helps me.

IC #7 – Colour Cubes – 1
IC #7 – Colour Cubes – 2